30 Flavors of Mellorine
by Amethyst Turtle
Summary: Thirty ficlets about Nami, Sanji, Robin, all the moments in between, and the blame Sanji puts on Zoro when things go wrong. FINAL CHAPTER UP!
1. Promise

Like I said, here it is. :3

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**Title: **A Day Without Flirting**  
Theme: **Promise  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **1293  
**Rating: **T  
**Warnings: **Hm…

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Nami had had enough. Sanji's flirting was usually bearable, only worth a few smacks or yells, but this time he was really pushing it.

"Don't worry, Nami-san! I'll help you!" Sanji yelled, fighting against the winds.

"Wait! No! I've got it, just go away!"Nami screamed, holding onto the rope with a secure grip. She had her foot hooked around the railing, keeping her secure.

"It's okay, I can help!" Sanji made his way over and looked down, only to see Nami's soaking wet T-shirt. He cried out and stumbled, bumping into Nami and causing her to lose her grip.

"SANJI!" Nami shrieked. Several arms sprouted out of her shoulder and snatched the rope from the air. Nami looked over at Robin, who was pressed against the galley door, with gratitude.

After the storm had passed, Nami immediately smacked the cook over the head.

"I could have lost control of the sail because of you!" Nami shouted.

"It wouldn't have been too bad, Girlie. I could have gotten it all under control again." Franky pointed out.

"That's not the point, Franky!" Nami said.

"I bet the pervert couldn't last a day without saying a word to you or Robin." Zoro snorted.

"…" Nami pondered over this. "Not a bad idea."

"What?" Sanji cried out.

"Alright. No flirting with either me or Robin for one day, until tomorrow at noon." Nami said decisively.

"He can't last, I'm telling you." Zoro drawled.

"You wanna bet, marimo?" Sanji growled.

"Promise us, Sanji-kun. No flirting. It's just one day." Nami yanked Robin to her and glared at him. Robin shrugged and smiled helplessly.

Sanji looked at the both of them, then Zoro's smug grin. He bit his lip and nodded. "I promise."

-X-

Sanji didn't know what to do. Usually he spent the afternoon making snacks for Nami and Robin, but since he promised not to flirt with them, he simply stood in the kitchen doing nothing. He considered just going to sit with them to talk, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to resist their charm… and grace… beauty… so beautiful…

Sanji rapidly shook his head. No, he couldn't give in. His blood boiled at the thought of Zoro triumphantly smirking and shaking his head pitifully.

"I'll show him. I'll show all of them." Sanji growled. He began to gather ingredients for a fruit smoothie before he paused, a pineapple held under the knife.

Smoothies.

For Nami and Robin.

No flirting.

"Wait a minute…"

Sanji groaned in frustration. He put all the fruit away and slumped over the kitchen counter.

-X-

"This is so nice." Nami sighed, stretched out on a deck chair. "Peace and quiet."

"LUFFY! GET THAT DEAD FISH AWAY FROM ME!" Usopp yelled, running away from the rubber boy.

"MR. FLOPPY JUST WANTS TO SAY HI!" Luffy cried, a large dead fish stuck over his head. Luffy blindly ran into a wall before turning around and running after Usopp.

"Or not." Nami grumbled.

"I'd think you'd be used to all the noise by now, Navigator-san."

"Psh. Yeah right."

"AAGH! LUFFY! IT SMELLS TERRIBLE!"

Nami stood up and shook a fist at the two boys. "DON'T MAKE ME BASH YOUR HEADS IN! LUFFY! Toss that fish overboard!"

"Fine, sheesh…you're no fun." Luffy grumbled, reluctantly dropping the fish into the waters.

Nami paused, almost expecting Sanji to storm out and scream at Luffy for insulting Nami and then grovel at her feet. Nothing happened, except for Usopp dashing into their cabin and Luffy going off to sulk in a corner. Nami smiled and sat back down.

"I'm thirsty."

"Cook-san isn't going to bring us drinks." Robin pointed out.

"Right." Nami sighed. "I guess I'll just have to get a drink myself."

She entered the galley and was a bit surprised to see Sanji moping at the counter. He lifted his head and looked a bit panicked when he noticed her.

"N-Nami-san!" Sanji stuttered. "Uh, um-"

"Calm down. I'm just here to get a drink." Nami said, grabbing a cup and filling it up with water.

"Do you want a smoothie?" Sanji asked, keeping his voice level and trying his hardest not to swoon.

"Yeah, sure." Nami smiled. She put down the cup and went back out. Sanji exhaled and leaned against the counter.

This was going to be harder than he thought.

-X-

"You're close to breaking. I can feel it." Zoro said a couple hours later, watching Sanji chop up fruit with fury.

"Shut up." Sanji gritted through his teeth. In a few blurry seconds, he finished the fruit platter he was preparing. Sanji paused and stared at it.

"So, who're you going to give it to?" Zoro smirked. Sanji picked up the platter and went outside without another word.

Franky was tinkering with some sort of project on the deck. Sanji wordlessly handed the fruit platter to him and quickly walked away.

"Eh? Uh, thanks, Cook-bro." Franky called.

-X-

Dinner was even harder, especially when Robin smiled at Sanji and complimented his cooking. It took all his will-power not to burst out into a fit of rapture, but Sanji managed to smile back and nod.

-X-

"You look constipated." Zoro pointed out to Sanji the next morning.

"Shut. The. Hell. Up." Sanji gritted through his teeth, hunched in the shadow of the mast.

"Hm." Zoro continued to swing his monstrous weights around while Sanji scowled at him. After a few silent minutes, Zoro suddenly looked up and grinned evilly. "Oi, Nami, Robin, did you get new bikinis?"

"No way, you noticed." Nami gasped sarcastically. She and Robin settled in the deck chairs, only a little far off from Sanji.

Sanji banged his head against the mast and screamed into his sleeve. His legs were twitching, as if they wanted to sprint to them and noodle around. Were they, his gorgeous angels descended from heaven, doing this to him on purpose?

"Yohohoho! Lovely panties!"

"IT'S A BIKINI, YOU DUMBASS!" Nami punted Brook across the deck.

"Oh my, I think you broke a rib." Robin calmly said, watching Brook slowly inch away.

"Like that's never happened before." Nami scoffed.

Sanji snatched his pack of cigarettes from his pocket and fumbled with it until he poured its remaining contents into his hand out of frustration. He jammed them all into his mouth and quickly lit all of them, immediately choking and coughing.

"Cook-san? What are you doing?" Robin glanced over.

"N-nothing!" Sanji wheezed. He crawled away, the cigarettes still dangling from his lips.

Zoro snickered.

-X-

Sanji managed to get through lunch without saying a word to neither Nami nor Robin, much to the surprise of the entire crew.

"That's cold, Cook-bro." Franky shook his head.

"N-Nam-"

"He's going to break." Zoro leaned forward eagerly.

"R-Ro-"

"Ooooh!" Luffy's eyes sparkled, though he didn't know much about the bet.

Sanji slammed his hands down on the counter. "MARIMO!"

"Yes, pervert cook?"

"YOU'RE WASHING DISHES!"

"LIKE HELL I AM!"

The rest of the crew quickly finished their meal before Sanji and Zoro's fight could blow away all the food.

A while later, Sanji was lounging in a chair while Zoro angrily dunked the dirty dishes in dishwater and slapped them with a wet towel to dry. He was doing a pretty shitty job of cleaning, but it was still satisfying at least.

Sanji tensed and tried not to throw himself at Nami and Robins' feet as they entered the galley, thankfully fully dressed.

"You made it, Sanji-kun. It's been one day." Nami said to him. Sanji looked up in surprise, his entire face lighting up.

"Congratulations, Cook-san." Robin chuckled.

"MELLORINE!~" Sanji cried out in relief. He began to noodle around Nami and Robin at full speed, the wind nearly knocking them over.

"TAKE THAT, MARIMO!"

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As a warning, the first few are pretty short, but I promise, they'll get more lengthy later (around the halfway point, actually).  
Reviews will be greatly appreciated.


	2. Curse

If you fave or sub, a review would really complement the little alert I get.  
Seriously.

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**Title: **Robin's Silent Fury  
**Theme: **Curse  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **670  
**Rating: **T  
**Warnings: **Robin cusses. It's the end of the world. Run.

* * *

The entire crew cowered against the wall, waiting for Robin to react. No one knew what she would do, but it was bound to be terrifying (Franky was shaking so hard he was literally vibrating).

No one knew who had left the library window open, letting the overnight rain in. And of course, the rain soaked an entire shelf of books by the window to a nearly irreparable state. And of _course_, those books just had to be part of Robin's collection of tomes she had gathered along the journey. Not the completely priceless and irreplaceable ones, but they were still incredibly rare.

"Robin? Are you okay?" Nami hesitantly approached Robin. Her back was turned as she surveyed the damage done by the storm.

"…"

"We should probably let her chill off for a while." Zoro said. Even he seemed a bit nervous. No one had ever seen Robin lose her cool before, and no one wanted to either.

"Robin-chan, I'm sure most of the books can be fixed." Sanji spoke up, Chopper and Usopp hiding behind him. "You've repaired water-damaged books before, right?"

"Uh." Luffy pulled a book from the shelf. The pages fell down to the floor in a mushy gray and white pile, leaving the soggy leather cover in Luffy's hand.

"DON'T DO THAT, YOU IDIOT!" Sanji kicked him in the head.

"Robin, it'll be okay, I'm sure they can be fixed." Nami said doubtfully.

"…" Robin examined the dark water that had mixed in with ink that had bled from the books. The puddle was spreading beneath her feet.

"Fuck." Robin suddenly muttered.

Everyone froze. Even Brook didn't dare make a light comment and Usopp looked like he was having a stroke.

"Robin-chan…?"

No one had _ever _heard Robin utter a single curse word before. She had more class than that. Supposedly.

"Um, you _are _okay, right?" Nami cautiously laid a hand on Robin' shoulder. Robin slowly turned her head and smiled.

"Oh yes, it might take _days _of painstaking restoration, but I think they can be fixed to a somewhat less-than-fragile state." Robin twitched. She glanced at the mushy pile by Luffy's feet. "Well, most of them, anyways."

"I'll help!" Sanji gasped, scrambling forward.

"I'll help too!" Luffy eagerly said.

Robin twitched again. "No, no, that's quite alright."

"You already did enough, shitty Gomu!" Sanji said.

"Hey, _I'm _not the one who left the window open overnight!" Luffy protested.

"Then who did?" Sanji demanded. Luffy wordlessly pointed to Franky.

"I saw him go in to take a book out. He opened the window, too, and musta forgotten to close it." Luffy casually said.

Robin's eyes turned to Franky and he squeaked in a very unmanly way, instinctively covering his crotch with his hands.

"Luffy-bro, you rat!" Franky wailed as he dashed away.

"I don't get it." Luffy said. Zoro sighed.

"Look, you know how scary Nami gets when she's mad, right?" Zoro asked. Luffy nodded. "Well, think what would happen if _Robin _got mad."

"But she never gets angry." Luffy chirped. Robin resumed to staring at the soaking wet bookshelf while Nami helplessly tried to console her.

"Luffy. She used to be an _assassin_." Zoro said flatly. Chopper whimpered and Usopp ducked behind Zoro. Brook wisely held his Skull Jokes in.

"Robin-chan has more class than that, you Neanderthal!" Sanji said. He strode up to the bookshelf and ran his hand along the wet book spines. "I think if-"

The entire bookshelf fell apart with a mushy crash, the wood swollen and waterlogged. Books fell together in soggy piles and the water trapped on the shelves spilled over, getting all their shoes wet. Usopp and Chopper yelped and ran outside.

"Oh dear." Brook murmured. "Wait for me, boys!"

Robin stared blankly at the mess. Sanji could only open and close his mouth in horror, his hand still suspended in the air while Nami quickly backed off. Zoro grimaced and began to edge toward the door, keeping a hand slapped over Luffy's mouth.

Robin sighed. "_Fuck."_

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omgwtfbbq.  
Reviews will be greatly appreciated.


	3. Axe: AU

OHMYGOD YOU FAVE/SUB'N'RUNNERS.  
Nah, you know what, if you really don't want to review, that's cool. xP

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**Title: **Sanji and the Maenads  
**Theme: **Axe  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **815  
**Rating: **T  
**Warnings: **AU

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Technically it was Guildmaster Monkey's fault for sending Sanji off on such a stupid quest. Luffy always made up pointless quests for the most idiotic things, like finding a sacred cow to eat, or picking a splinter out of a giant's foot, or helping a pony find its way back to its mother. Sanji didn't even know why he still ran errands for the Guildmaster.

This time, Luffy had told the man to find some sort of jewel.

"Which jewel?" Sanji asked, smoking on a hand-rolled cigarette.

"The sparkly one. Oh! And it has to be red! I like the red one! The purple one sucks." Luffy answered, playing with his pet reindeer.

"Really."

"Yup!"

Ah well, at least Luffy paid well. And so Sanji left for the West Drakon Mountains where Luffy said he could find the "red, sparkly Mystery jewel."

The mountain wasn't that dangerous. There were just a few demon boars and scorpions that Sanji easily dispatched with a few kicks and a couple well-aimed spells. Sanji was beginning to consider dropping the quest out of boredom when a silver axe suddenly embedded itself right above the man's head in a tree.

"Shit!" Sanji hissed, quickly rolling away. The axe yanked itself out of the tree by its own accord and flew off into the shadows. Sanji cautiously stood up.

"Show yourself!" he yelled. He bravely added, "Shit head!"

"Shit head?" a voice answered indignantly. "Who the hell are you calling a shit head, human?"

Two women in scanty animal furs stepped out of the shadows. The shorter one, who had fiery red hair, was gripping the silver axe tightly.

The Guildmaster had always been talking about the mountain-dwelling Maenads, wild women who supposedly feasted on human flesh and tore wild animals apart limb by limb for their own entertainment. Luffy told of them as if they were feisty party crashers with beastly habits, but Sanji was immediately stunned by the two women's' graceful appearances, even if the shorter one had a menacing axe in her fist.

"I'm hungry." The taller one lightly said, her blue eyes glinting.

"I told you, _no _killing humans until next week! You already ate that farmer three days ago!" the redhead sighed. "Can't you hold back that bloodlust for one freaking week, Robin?"

"Hm." Robin crossed her arms. "Well, I suppose so…"

"Beautiful!" Sanji gasped.

"Oh really? And what the hell are you doing in our territory, human?" the shorter Maenad demanded. "Looking for my-"

"Our." Robin corrected.

"-_our _treasure?" she glared at the man.

"You're so beautiful!" Sanji choked, caught up in his own lust (and the fact that the two Maenads' furs didn't exactly cover much up).

"Yes, yes, we already got that." The shorter Maenad rolled her eyes.

"Are you _sure _we can't eat him, Nami?" Robin asked wistfully.

"You're going to get fat if you eat too many humans."

"That's very hurtful, Nami."

"Seriously, Robin?"

"Ah, I'm sorry to interrupt, ladies, but I'm looking for a red jewel supposedly around this area." Sanji grinned in what he hoped was a charming manner.

"The Mountain Drakon probably ate it already." Nami quickly said.

"You killed the Mountain Drakon last month."

"Will you shut up, Robin?" Nami hissed to her companion.

"So there _is _a jewel!" Sanji smiled triumphantly.

"It's mine, human!" Nami snarled, crouching down and holding her axe up higher.

"He looks tasty."

"Can't you just drop it already?" Nami straightened up and glared at the other Maenad. "We are _not _going to eat him, because if we do, _you'll _become even hungrier and _I'll _be the one having to explain to the King why all his subjects are suddenly disappearing! And then he'll send his Hunters after us! The Hunters!"

"I'll be helping the population control." Robin offered, shrugging. Sanji gulped.

Nami pinched the bridge of her nose. She turned back to Sanji and began twirling her axe casually. "Leave now, human, and I won't be forced to chop you up into bits."

"That would be a waste of good meat." The dark-haired Maenad muttered.

"_ROBIN!" _

Sanji took the opportunity to run away. He didn't dare look back once until he found his way out of the forest at the bottom of the mountain. Once there, he slowed his pace to a walk, panting heavily. Within minutes, Sanji was back at the Guild. He entered the tent and strolled into to the Guildmaster's room.

"Did you find the mystery jewel?" Luffy asked, leaning forward in his seat.

"No. I'm leaving your guild, Luffy." Sanji said, tearing his armband off.

"Whaaaa?" Luffy's jaw dropped. "Why?"

"Well, first I'm going to find the Wizard Usopp, then I'm going to drink a trans-species potion, then I'm going to join the Maenads." Sanji said, walking out of the Guild. Luffy silently watched the man leave.

"Hm. He must be an idiot." Luffy nodded his head.

* * *

Go Sanji go!  
Reviews will be greatly appreciated.


	4. Mother: AU

Has anyone here actually had mellorine before? I really want to try it. :P

* * *

**Title:** Scary Women  
**Theme: **Mother  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **848  
**Rating: **K+/T  
**Warnings: **What? A high school AU that doesn't take place at the school? What?

* * *

"Hey Sanji, Robin's already in the living room." Nami greeted him at the front door. "Don't bother taking your shoes off. The floor is already covered in crap."

"Okay, Nami!" Sanji chirped. He felt like he was luckiest guy in his class- no, his entire grade- no, the entire _school_, to be assigned a project with two of the most gorgeous girls attending. Okay, they weren't the _prettiest_, compared to some of the juniors and seniors who cut classes to fix their makeup in the bathroom, but Sanji liked to think so.

"We already planned some of the essay parts and the diagram layout, but I don't know if- oh my god, are you looking at my chest, you pervert?" Nami glared at Sanji.

"N-no! Of course not! I would never!" Sanji stuttered.

"Always the smooth man, I see." Robin raised a hand in greeting from the couch, leaning over a blank poster.

"Hiiii, Robin!~" Sanji sat down beside her, grinning.

"We're supposed to be working, Sanji." Nami rolled her eyes, taking her place on Robin's other side. "Mr. Roronoa said this project is going to be worth at least twenty percent of our grades."

"Right!" Sanji nodded. He rubbed his hands together. "So, what do you two lovely ladies have so far?"

"Robin said she can get her cousin Franky to help construct the main part of the set, and I can… Robin, I think you should put on a sweater. Is it chilly in here? Yeah, I think it is." Nami glared at Sanji meaningfully, whose eyes had wandered a little too low. Robin raised an eyebrow but pulled on her sweater anyways without question.

"Um, I can do more research for the essay part, and… um…" Sanji trailed off. He had noticed Nami's shorts, which left little to the imagination.

"PERVERT!" Nami smacked his shoulder. "We're supposed to be _working_!"

"Is everything alright in here?" Nami's stepmom, a pink-mohawked chain smoker, poked her head around the corner.

"Everything's _fine_, Bellemere." Nami glowered at Sanji.

"Hm, I coulda sworn you screamed 'pervert' just now." Bellemere smirked, waving her cigarette between two fingers.

Sanji gulped. "I-it really was nothing, Miss Bellemere!"

"Uh huh." Bellemere nodded slowly. She glanced at Robin. "Hun, you don't need a sweater. I've got the heater turned on."

"I'm okay, thank you." Robin smiled. Bellemere's gaze slowly shifted to Sanji, who was staring down at his feet. She smiled and took a drag on her cigarette.

"If you kids need snacks or anything, I'll be in the other room." And she left.

"The _project_, Sanji, the _project_." Nami gritted through her teeth.

"Okay." Sanji nodded his head determinedly. He began sketching on the poster. "We can put the diagrams over here, to give room for all the writing. Then the title can go over there, right?"

"Well, I was thinking that there could be a space over here, so we can put the model in front of it, like a display." Nami said, sketching over Sanji's lines.

"But it also depends if Franky's willing to make a small model. He likes to go big." Robin said.

"You can convince him." Nami shrugged. Robin nodded and began to take off her sweater. Bellemere was right; the house was already pretty warm.

"Or we can arrange the diagrams around that space, then if- if… if…" Sanji was too busy staring at Robin's toned belly, which had been exposed when her shirt stuck to the sweater. Robin paused, her sweater half off.

"My shirt is stuck, isn't it?" Robin sighed.

"SANJI!" Nami leaned across and slapped a hand over the boy's eyes as Robin quickly pulled off her sweater and fixed her shirt. "CONCENTRATE, DAMMIT!"

"Sorry! Sorry!" Sanji cried, lowering his eyes. This was a mistake, as they only landed on Nami again.

"You sick little bastard! Are you ogling my daughter _and _her friend?" the three teens whipped around to see Bellemere glaring daggers at Sanji. She had apparently been standing in the doorway for some time.

"It's not what it looks like, I swear!" Sanji held up his hands and stared intently at the ceiling.

Bellemere ground her cigarette against the hardwood floor, which already had its share of burns and scuff marks.

"Bellemere! Don't!" Nami stood up at the same time Robin and Sanji did.

"Really, Miss Bellemere, we can handle him." Robin smiled reassuringly and Sanji gulped, ducking down behind the taller girl.

"Hn… fine. But if I catch him doing anything else, I'll personally kick his ass out the door." Bellemere crossed her arms.

"_Bellemere_." Nami said pointedly.

"Well, have fun working on your project!" the chain smoker said brightly, going away. Sanji sighed in relief and flopped down on the couch.

"I'm sorry." Sanji mumbled.

"It's alright. You're naturally a pervert." Robin solemnly said.

"And who can't resist us, anyways?" Nami said in a husky voice. Sanji made a strange sound between a whine and a cough.

"Must you tease him, Nami?" Robin shook her head, smiling.

"What?" Nami shrugged innocently. "Okay, enough fooling around. So for the diagram, I was thinking…"

* * *

Do they even sell mellorine in North America? Hn...  
Reviews will be greatly appreciated.


	5. Wanted

e_e  
I'm kind of wondering what would happen if Fanfiction should inexpicably crash, deleting every file and account and everything.  
Wouldn't that be a bummer?

* * *

**Title: **Fantasies and Photoshoots  
**Theme: **Wanted  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **526  
**Rating: **K or K+… for sexiness?  
**Warnings: **It's probably cliché, but… I couldn't resist.

* * *

Sanji doesn't let anyone on the crew know (he doesn't dare imagine how the guys would react) that he has his own crisp copies of Nami and Robins' bounty posters in his personal chest of belongings. He especially doesn't let anyone know that he sometimes takes the posters out and admire them when no one else is in the cabin.

How can he _not _admire Nami-san and Robin-chan's bounty posters, even if Robin-chan's incredibly high bounty eats at that worrying spot in his gut?

Nami's expression is like a cat's, coy and mischievous and almost playful. Robin's gaze is fierce, as if daring the photographer to get-closer-and-she'll-snap-his-back-in-half.

They make Sanji giggle and swoon to himself and rock back and forth, fantasies running through his mind.

Then the mood is immediately snuffed by the sight of his own poster. Hideous… deformed… what kind of sane human would want to look like _that _shit? And it definitely does _not _resemble him in any way whatsoever. The marimo is just brain damaged, that's all.

Sanji inwardly wishes that he could have snuck into Nami or Robin's frames, like how Usopp had somehow managed to get into Luffy's. Okay, maybe not _sneak in_, exactly, but at least something to capture his true image, not that weird shitty sketch.

He imagines a photo of him bravely kicking away a crowd of Marines, Nami cradled in his arms, her hands entwined around his neck as his legs are a blur and their faces are mere millimeters away, Nami's face slightly flushed, the image of tender love.

He imagines him and Robin in a deep passionate embrace in the center of the spoils of their coordinated battle, Marines strewn everywhere, but the focus is him and Robin because of that devious, utterly sexy look in Robin's eyes and the whole world can see that that burning gaze is for Sanji only, Blackleg Sanji and Demon Child Robin.

There's more giggling and wiggling as Sanji daydreams.

Or wait, no, better yet, there's a photo of _all three of them_ together, maybe published as a headline, "BLAZING PASSIONATE FIERY LOVE CAUGHT IN BATTLE." Yes, yes, that's exactly what would happen. There Sanji would be, casually walking down an avenue of beaten Marines. Maybe there'd be some blood trickling down his face and a couple scratches on his arms. But no, the _best part _would be Nami and Robin with Sanji's arms around their shoulders, and they look just as deadly with their own wounds (not too many, though) and maybe, just _maybe _their clothes are torn a little…

Not that there's much to tear, of course…

And then, and then Nami and Robin's arms would go around Sanji's waist and they're all just _staring _at the camera, no, not staring directly… their eyes would be shadowed dangerously, they would look like true pirates, but the obvious love they share would be the shining focal point. Their _love_.

By now, Sanji is giggling madly to himself and gazing at the Cat Burglar and Demon Childs' posters like a schoolgirl swooning over a rockstar magazine.

"Sanji-kun, why are you looking at our bounty posters with that weird look on your face?"

"Cook-san seems to have some not-so-secret fantasies. Fufufu…"

"Ah- Robin-chwan, Nami-swan! I-I can explain!"

* * *

I know you're out there. Yes, I'm watching you.  
Metaphorically.  
Reviews will be metaphorically appreciated.


	6. Tears

New. Story. Go. Read.  
*shameless self-promotion*

* * *

**Title: **The Marimo Nightmare  
**Theme: **Tears  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **491  
**Rating: **T, because Sanji is Sanji  
**Warnings: **None.

* * *

Sanji pounded his head against the floor, clenching his teeth and trying not to yell out. Tears dripped down his nose, leaving little dark spots on the wood.

"Shit… shit…" he gritted through his teeth, spasms rolling through his back. Sanji clutched his head and fell over, letting out a strangled cry. "SHIT!"

"What are_ you_ bawling about?" Zoro glanced over unconcernedly. Sanji made the mistake of looking up and began wailing again.

It couldn't be true. It _couldn't be_. Nami-san and Robin-chan were … cuddling up to either side of the shitty marimo. And the marimo himself had his arms wrapped around them, something Sanji had always envisioned himself- _not _the shithead- doing.

"NOOOO!" Sanji began banging his head on the ground again.

"Sanji-kun, stop being so noisy." Nami said, clinging to Zoro's arm.

"I'm getting a headache." Robin pressed herself against Zoro.

"Come on; let's leave him in his emo corner." Zoro smirked, leading the two ladies away. Nami and Robin giggled and waved at Sanji as they left with Zoro.

"SHIT!" Sanji gasped, jerking up. His sleeve was damp with tears and snot and his bangs had gotten wet. Sanji swiveled around wildly, trying to figure out what was going on. He sighed in relief and leaned back in his chair. It was just a nightmare. "Just a nightmare…"

"A particularly terrible one as well, judging by your screams." Robin said lightly. She had been watching Sanji the entire time, sitting in a corner of the galley.

"Robin-chaaan!" Sanji burst into tears and zoomed over to her. "You're not with the marimo!"

"Sanji-kun? I heard some screaming and- HEY!" Nami cried out indignantly as Sanji dove to her and began hugging her legs.

"Nami-saaan!" Sanji sobbed into her ankles.

"Is he alright?" Nami asked, trying to pry him off.

"Cook-san had a nightmare after dozing off at the table." Robin motioned to the dark stain on the wood.

"Sheesh, I wonder what it was about." Nami grimaced. "Sanji-kun, you're going to make me trip. Stop crying, it's alright!"

"B-but the marimo- and you w-were with him-" Sanji hiccupped.

"What? Was _that _what it was about?" Nami raised a brow. "Really Sanji-kun, you should know better than to actually think _that _would happen."

"You're right." Sanji shakily stood up. A hand sprouted from the wall and offered him a tissue.

"Your face is a mess." Robin said in all seriousness. Sanji wiped his face off and sat back down at the table.

"It was terrible." Sanji said hoarsely, his eye wide. "Truly horrifying."

"Oh, Sanji-kun." Nami sighed, sitting down beside him. She lightly patted his back and pushed him away when he tried to lean his head against her chest. "I have no idea what to do with you."

"You could eat him."

Nami stared at Robin in horror. Robin looked confused.

"It was a joke."

"No, that was creepy! Get a better sense of humor, Robin!"

"Nami-saaaan, Robin-chaaaan~"

* * *

I'm still watching... and watching... e_O  
Reviews will be metaphorically appreciated.


	7. Smoke: AU

I realized that I'm holding back my worse ficlets (the ones I wrote earlier). Aaah, I don't want to post them. I'm so ashamed. T_T

* * *

**Title: **Cig, Please  
**Theme: **Smoke  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **991  
**Rating: **T  
**Warnings: **High school AU, based off Oda's version, so Robin and Nami are bullies/dealers.  
So that means Robin isn't very nice in this one. Keke...  
OH, and I have no idea about cigarettes or how many Sanji smokes a day, so bear with me here.

* * *

Sanji was panicking. It was _awful_. It was _terrible_. It was a _catastrophe_.

"Paper bag?" Usopp offered a brown bag off-handedly, picking at the circuit board of his laptop.

"Fuck you!" Sanji gasped, clutching his chest.

"Watch your language, man." Zoro smirked. He reached over and snatched the little red and white box from Sanji's hand. A quick glance confirmed his suspicions. The teen twisted around on the bench to shout at the courtyard. "Oi! Sanji's out of cigarettes!"

"SHUT UP, ZORO!" Luffy screeched, sitting at the other side of the table. His pencil was furiously scribbling through sheets of study material while his other hand flipped through book pages. "I'M TRYING TO STUDY!"

"Yeah, like I give a fuck." Zoro rolled his eyes. When no one answered his previous call, he decided to try again. "OI! I _SAID_-"

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" Luffy pounded his fists on the table, upsetting Usopp's juice box.

"Watch it!" Usopp snatched his laptop up before the juice could spread underneath it. Zoro shook his head and glanced sideways at Sanji. A scarlet hue was beginning to spread over his face and a vein was popping out of his forehead.

"I NEED A FUCKING SMOKE! NOW!" Sanji roared, grabbing Usopp's collar and shaking him like a rag doll.

"Okay, we hear you. Calm down." Two girls approached their lunch table. The one who had spoken was Nami, infamous at the school for her ridiculously short skirts that even beat Kalifa's record.

"Nami darling, Robin honey!" Sanji immediately calmed down and his face returned to its normal pale shade. "Thank goodness you're here!"

"About time." Zoro muttered, returning to his lunch.

"Two boxes of King Ground, please!" Sanji held up two fingers while reaching for his wallet.

"Okay." Nami nudged her silent companion, who was staring off into space. Robin slowly exhaled smoke from her nose.

"No."

"WHA?" Sanji's face fell.

"I'm not giving you my cigarettes, Curly." Robin looked at him from the corner of her eyes.

"Robin honey, whyyyy?" Sanji cried.

"You in a bad mood or something, sis?" Nami asked.

"No, I just don't feel like it." Robin shrugged. She picked up her ever-present briefcase and prepared to leave when Sanji desperately grabbed at the back of her jacket.

"Please, I _need _my smokes! I can't get through the rest of the day without them!" Sanji pleaded. He offered his wallet. "Ten! Twenty! Name your price!"

"Fifty!" Nami's eyes sparkled.

"That's too much for a couple packs of cigarettes!" Usopp slapped the table, still hunched over his laptop.

"Who asked you?" Nami shot at him.

"SHUT UP, IDIOTS! I'M _STUDYING_!" Luffy shouted angrily.

"Just one pack, then!" Sanji said, still clinging to Robin's jacket. "One pack!"

"No." Robin dropped her worn out cigarette stub on the ground and reached in her pocket for another one, taking out her lighter as well. She offered one to Nami, who made a gagging motion and pointed at her throat.

"Robin honeeeey!" Sanji whined.

"Shut up, man, you sound like a freaking girl." Zoro scowled, crumpling up his sandwich wrapper.

"EH? You trying to be sexist, bastard?" Nami hit him over the head with her fist.

"Leave me alone, witch!" Zoro rubbed the bump on his head.

"You already bought eight packs from me this week." Robin calmly said, balancing her cigarette between her lips. She began to count off on her fingers. "Smoker bought six, Crocodile bought three, Paulie bought seven, and Hina bought four. I already went over the limit with Smoker's requests, and Paulie promised to stop reporting us for breaking the dress code. The rest of the stock is for myself."

"But I'm different from those bastards! Nami darling!" Sanji turned to Nami beseechingly.

"Hey, those guys had pretty good offers." Nami shrugged. She held up her hand, showing off a sparkling blue ring. "Look at what Crocodile gave us, since he didn't have cash!"

"What he gave _you_." Robin corrected. "He gave _me _a necklace to pay off his debt."

"See? See? I wouldn't sink so low as to bribe you lovely beauties!" Sanji waved his arms, having finally released his grip on Robin's jacket.

"It wasn't bribing, Curly. Besides, it's a nice piece of jewelry." Robin shrugged. "It's hard enough _finding _these cigarette brands already."

"SHUT UP!" Luffy randomly shrieked, his face practically buried in a thick textbook. Everyone stared at him for a brief second.

"Just give him the cigarettes and shut him up, Robin." Zoro broke the silence, fed up with Sanji's insistent debating.

"One! All I ask is one cigarette!" Sanji whimpered, looking up at her with his one visible eye.

"Five bucks." Nami decided. Usopp snorted and coughed inconspicuously.

"Ah, forget it. I'm late for an appointment with Hina and Bentham, anyways." Robin handed Sanji her half-smoked cigarette, who stared down at it as if it were a priceless gem.

"Thank you, Robin honey!" Sanji swooned, cradling the burning cigarette in his palms.

"You still owe us thirty bucks for your imported illegal hair conditioner, Curly." Robin called over her shoulder as she and Nami left.

"Imported illegal hair conditioner?" Zoro smirked. Sanji growled and kicked him.

"SHUT UP!" Sanji yelled at the same time Luffy did, who was completely oblivious to his surroundings.

-X-

"Yo, Sanji-bro, how about a cola?" Franky asked, lounging on the couch.

"Get it yourself, man." Sanji waved a hand at him. Franky grumbled and trudged to the kitchen, muttering about terrible hosts.

"Sanji, what's that?" Chopper pointed to a glass display case beside Sanji's desk. He leaned in and squinted. "Is that… a half-burned cigarette?"

"Why, yes it is!" Sanji grinned, spinning around in his swivel chair. He sighed and cradled his chin in his hand, gazing at the display case. "Isn't it _beautiful_?"

"Uh… sure." Chopper scratched his head, looking at Sanji worriedly.

"Oi, bro, you're out of cola! Go buy more!"

"Go get your own cola, shit-face!"

* * *

I can't believe they didn't animate that high school omake. Egh.  
That button down there: clickity clickity click.  
:0


	8. Loyalty

I really don't feel like updating... god, I need to write an angst/torture fic. Now.

* * *

**Title: **Forever Faithful  
**Theme: **Loyalty  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **263  
**Rating: **T  
**Warnings:** A bimbo/whore/slut. You know what I mean.

* * *

Sanji couldn't think straight. His hands were shaking, his knees were trembling, and his breathing was ragged. Nope, he definitely couldn't think straight. It wasn't very easy though, what with the gorgeous young woman rubbed up against his chest, smiling coyly.

"Sexy." The girl purred, trailing a finger up Sanji's chest.

"Um- uh, wuh, um." Sanji stuttered.

"Cute, too." she whispered, tugging lightly at his tie.

Sanji closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind. The air was heavy with the sharp scent of fruit from the girl's perfume, which didn't exactly help.

He couldn't even remember how he had ended up against a brick wall with a girl all over him. Sanji had fantasized a situation like this countless of times, but this was nothing like he imagined. He wasn't sweeping the girl up off of her feet, he wasn't murmuring words of affection… what was wrong?

"You alright there?" the girl chuckled in a husky voice. Suddenly Sanji jerked away and stepped back.

"Hey!" the girl cried indignantly. "Don't you want me?"

Sanji carefully straightened his tie and ran a hand through his hair, sweeping it all back in place. "Sorry, miss, I have other obligations."

"So you're seeing another girl?" she placed her hands on her hips, now glaring, all traces of seduction gone.

Sanji paused and grinned. "Two, actually."

As he walked away, Sanji pondered over what he said. It wasn't _technically _true. They were hardly interested in him romantically and barely acknowledged his gifts of affection.

But still, it never hurt to stay faithful. Just in case.

* * *

Someone needs to drag me out of my pit of bitterness before I really do write a torture fic and kill someone.  
So click that button down there and save me.  
CLICK IT.


	9. Pet

Woop woop. We've officially reached 2000 hits. :0  
GODAMMIT YOU PEOPLE WHO FAVE/SUB AND DON'T REVIEW I-

* * *

**Title: **Something Lethal for You  
**Theme: **Pet  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **972  
**Rating: **T  
**Warnings: **I find Nami one of the hardest to write. I always feel like I never get her character _just _right, which drives me nuts.

* * *

The pet store was filled with all sorts of animals ranging from hamsters to parakeets to turtles to puppies. Luffy and Usopp were having a field day chasing the cats all over the store while Chopper was having a serious conversation with a wrinkly old turtle. Zoro was having a staring contest with a fish, Franky cheering him on.

"Yohoho!" Brook flailed when a bird landed on his afro.

"Look Sanji-kun, isn't she adorable?" Nami held up a tiny fuzzy kitten up to his face.

"Not as adorable as you, Nami-swan!~"

"Of course." Nami sighed, smiling and shaking her head. She set the kitten down and it promptly ran off.

"Nami! Nami! Look!" Luffy bounded over, holding up a long snake that had coiled itself around his neck. "Can we keep him?"

"No!" Nami shrieked, jumping away when the snake reached towards her, tongue flicking curiously.

"Get that away from Nami-san, idiot!" Sanji put himself in front of her protectively.

"Aw. You guys are no fun." Luffy pouted. The snake wound around his head like a large turban as he walked away.

Robin glanced around the little store. She approached the counter where the cashier was watching the nine pirates warily. "Excuse me, do you have anything venomous?"

"ROBIN!" Nami shouted.

"Sorry miss, no." the cashier quickly said.

"Oh." Robin seemed disappointed. "That's a shame."

Sanji rubbed his chin thoughtfully. While Nami was trying to explain to Robin why a poisonous animal _wouldn't _make a good pet, he slipped out of the store without anyone noticing.

-X-

After several minutes, Zoro lost the staring contest with the fish.

"YOU BLINKED FIRST!" Zoro yelled at the fish. It stared at him blankly before swimming behind a rock. "THAT'S RIGHT! SWIM AWAY, COWARD!"

"Sorry Swords-bro, but he won fair and square." Franky shrugged, holding a hamster. He offered it to Zoro. "Look! He's super fuzzy!"

Zoro paused, half-expecting a marimo joke to pop up behind him. He turned around. Sanji was nowhere to be seen. "Oi. Where's curly-brow?"

"He was with Girlie and Nico Robin." Franky said, petting the hamster with one giant finger. The little bell jingled as the front door opened and Sanji stepped inside, holding a cardboard box.

"Where the hell were you?" Zoro raised an eyebrow.

"Like you'd want to know." Sanji brushed past him and twirled over to Robin. "Robin-chwaaan! Look what I found for you!"

Sanji cautiously reached inside the box, snatched something up that thrashed against the flimsy sides, and pulled it up. It was a writhing purple cobra, hissing and spitting viciously.

"KYAAAH!" Nami screamed. "SANJI-KUN!"

"It's a poisonous cobra!" Sanji grinned proudly. "For you, Robin-chan!"

"Thank you, Cook-san." Robin smiled. She took the furious cobra and it immediately calmed down the second Sanji's hands released it, snaking around Robin's slender hands.

"DROP IT, ROBIN! DROP IT BEFORE IT BITES YOU!" Nami shrieked, hiding behind Sanji.

"He's gentle." Robin told her, stroking the cobra.

"That's what it _wants _you to think!" Nami whispered. She turned to Sanji. "Why'd you go and get a wild cobra?"

"Robin-chan wanted something venomous, so I found it for her." Sanji said. "Would you like something, Nami-san?"

"No! Robin, you're not bringing that thing aboard." Nami ordered.

"But I already named him." Robin looked at her beseechingly.

"I don't care! That thing's going to kill me in my sleep!"

"… I'll train him." Robin offered.

"You can't train a _cobra_!"

"Actually-"

"No!"

"But you see-"

"No!"

"What if-"

"No!"

The cobra hissed at Nami, baring his large fangs. Nami squeaked and ducked behind Sanji again. Sanji was torn between agreeing with Nami and siding with Robin.

"Ooh, watcha got there, Robin?" Luffy bounced over, a parrot perched on his hat. The cobra glared at Luffy and quietly curled around Robin's arm.

"We're leaving. No, Luffy, you can't buy anything!" Nami said, edging away from Robin and the cobra. Luffy pouted and trudged away to tell Usopp and Chopper.

"Miss, I'm going to have to ask you to take that cobra outside…" the store clerk timidly spoke up.

"Ah, of course." Robin said regretfully, walking to the exit.

-X-

"The one who's yelling at everyone? That's Nami." Chopper told the tortoise he was talking to. "She gets angry a lot."

The tortoise bobbed his head. Chopper nodded. "Uh huh. Yeah. She's scary."

Behind them, Usopp accidently knocked over a cage of lizards. The small reptiles darted around and he, Franky, and Zoro dove to the floor, trying to grab them before they got away.

"No, Usopp doesn't do that _all _the time…" Chopper said. The tortoise blinked sleepily and retreated into his shell. "Okay. Bye, then."

Robin reentered the store, looking quite disappointed. Chopper tugged on her leg and looked up at her. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing." Robin smiled, ruffling Chopper's fur.

-X-

"Please, get out of my store! Just leave!" the cashier cried out.

"We can get them back, seriously!" Usopp insisted. Luffy and Brook had joined them in gathering the lizards again. Nami was standing by the side, rubbing her temples and arguing with Robin and Sanji (though it was more of Nami talking, Robin nodding along, and Sanji sulking and begging for forgiveness).

"Oops!" Luffy lifted his head. His cheeks were bulging, something inside wiggling violently.

"SPIT IT OUT!" Zoro began thumping Luffy on the back. Luffy spat out the lizard and it flew through the air, landing on the wall.

"It tasted like chicken." Luffy grinned.

"JUST LEAVE! LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK!" the cashier screamed. The nine Strawhats quickly complied, dashing out of the pet store.

"Couldn't you have asked for a kitten or a guinea pig or something, instead of something _poisonous_?" Nami asked Robin as they headed down the pier.

"They're not as fun." Robin shook her head.

"Wow." Nami groaned. "I should have guessed."

* * *

I SWEAR. I SWEAR I'LL- I'LL-  
No, I got nothing.  
Reviews with _substance _will be loved.


	10. Punishment

:D

* * *

**Title: **An Awkward Predicament  
**Theme: **Punishment  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words:** 1178  
**Rating: **T  
**Warnings: **I'm slightly worried that Nami is a bit too evil.

* * *

Sanji was afraid. He wasn't afraid of what Nami would do to him, he was afraid that she would never forgive him. After all, what he did was _unforgivable_.

"This was a new shirt!" Nami continued, her face flushed from anger. Sanji was too busy cowering to admire the fact that she was shirtless, wearing only her bra. "It was hella expensive, too! I can't believe you'd set it on fire!"

"It was the shitty gomu's fault! I'm sorry!" Sanji cried helplessly. Well, it _was _Luffy's fault. Luffy was the one who crashed into Sanji, after all, causing him to drop his lit match onto Nami's lap which caused her shirt to catch on fire and… yeah. After Sanji managed to douse the flames, Luffy had already slipped away.

Nami waved the tattered, burned, soaked remains of her shirt in Sanji's face. She shouted something else and stomped away.

"She'll get over it, Cook-san." Robin said comfortingly from her spot beside the mast. "Doesn't she always?"

Still, Sanji couldn't help but be _afraid. _

Two hours passed by without sight or sound from the furious navigator. Sanji's fear only escalated and he occupied himself with sharpening his kitchen knives.

"Sanji-kun."

Sanji yelped and nearly cut his finger. Nami was standing in the doorway. Her face was unreadable, but she didn't seem angry.

"Y-yes, Nami-san?" Sanji asked hesitantly.

"Come with me." Nami motioned with a finger and walked away. Hesitantly, the cook set down his knife and followed her. Nami led Sanji back to the boy's cabin, which was empty. He stood there for a second, puzzled, before the sound of the door lock clicking reached his ears. Sanji stiffened when he felt Nami lay a hand on the back of his shoulder. Was this how it was going to end, be brutally beaten to near death by the beautiful angel of furious fists?

No. Sanji's mind raced incoherently as Nami led him to his bed. He let out a sound between a whine and a whimper as he was pushed down onto the mattress. Nami stood above him, her face still unreadable.

"No looking." And just like that, Nami tied a blindfold around Sanji's eyes.

_If this is punishment,_ Sanji thought as Nami tore away his shirt and slacks and bound his wrists and ankles to the bedposts, _it's a shitty good one._

He couldn't see, but he knew that only his boxers and socks were left, and the ropes were securely tied. Sanji's breathing increased, but Nami made no movement.

Then he heard her footsteps walking away back to the door.

"Nami-san!" Sanji cried out, blind to his surroundings. "Where are you going?"

"Well, I'm going to go work on a map, and then maybe I'll tend to my tangerine trees." Nami said casually.

"You're just going to leave me tied up like this? Nami-saaan!"

"Oh, don't worry." Nami said. "I'll leave the door open, so whoever finds you can untie you themselves."

"Nooooo! Nami-swaaaan! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Nooooo!"

And Nami was gone.

Sanji struggled against the ropes, but they were barely yielded. He didn't dare yell for help. Several minutes trickled by, the ropes scratching his ankles and wrists. He began to shiver and sweat, but there was no way he was going to be seen like this by anyone, especially-

"GAH! WHAT THE HELL, ERO-COOK?"

"MARIMO! GO AWAY!"

"THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

"GO AWAY! GO AWA- wait, I mean, UNTIE ME!"

"…"

"Oi." Sanji called out hesitantly. "Marimo?"

"No."

"What?"

"No, I think I'll just leave you like that." Zoro said. His voice was still over by the doorway, and Sanji could nearly imagine the cocky smirk on his ugly mug.

"Oi! I said untie me, shit-head!" Sanji yelled, straining against the bonds.

"You look pretty stupid right now, you know?"

"HEY!"

"I should get the other guys to come see this." Zoro snickered.

"Don't you dare, marimo!"

"Oi, Luffy! Chopper!" Zoro said loudly.

"Nooo! Shut up, marimo! Shut up shut up SHUT UP!"

"Heh. You're lucky I'm in a merciful mood, or else the entire crew would be here right now. But since this is my only chance…" the sound of Zoro's heavy footsteps drew nearer.

"Go away!" Sanji squirmed. Suddenly, something that felt like the tip of a marker began to scribble all over his face. "AH! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

"You look better with a moustache."

"NO! STOP THAT!"

"How do you feel about a floral pattern on your face, curly-brow?"

"GAAAH!"

-X-

After a few minutes of drawing all over Sanji with a marker, Zoro finally got bored and left. Just as Sanji expected, he had left the door open.

"Aargggh!" Sanji began to thrash, but the ropes held. He flopped back down, panting.

"…Cook-san?"

"Robin-chan? NO! DON'T LOOK AT ME!" Sanji cried out, feeling very naked and vulnerable and utterly mortified. Nonetheless, Robin's footsteps approached. The bed shifted a little as Robin sat down beside Sanji.

"This was Navigator-san's doing, am I correct?"

"… I deserve it." Sanji mumbled. "I ruined her expensive, brand new shirt."

Robin didn't answer for a few seconds. She was no doubt examining the marker graffiti on his body. "Why do you have 'pervert' written all over your chest?"

"Don't look at me, please, Robin-chan!" Sanji strained harder against the thick ropes.

"Cook-san, I'm not laughing." Robin calmly said. She removed the blindfold and Sanji blinked, staring down at his vandalized body. He groaned and turned his head away.

"I hope that's not permanent ink." Robin said in all seriousness, tracing a swirly pattern similar to his eyebrow on his arm with a finger.

Sanji managed to crack a grin. "I wouldn't mind if you washed it off for me, since I'm trapped here…"

"I think you can manage that by yourself." Robin laughed. She waved a hand and several arms began to work at the ropes, slowly undoing them. After the ropes fell away, Sanji sat up and rubbed his chaffed wrists.

"Thank you, Robin-chan…" Sanji murmured, refusing to look at her. He suddenly felt very awkward. What was he supposed to say? He had been caught tied up nearly-naked to a bed like… like a…

"I won't tell anyone." Robin smiled. She stood up. "Perhaps I'll have a little talk with Nami-chan."

Sanji nodded, his face slightly red, and ran into the bathroom to wash all the graffiti off of him.

-X-

"That was a cruel thing to do, Navigator-san." Robin shook her head.

"No one else saw him though, right?" Nami shrugged, concentrating on a map. Robin closed her eyes and searched through the ship. She found Zoro in the observation deck waving his arms wildly and half-laughing, half-talking to Franky and Usopp, who were rolling on the floor with laughter. Zoro made a swirly movement with his wrists and held up a black marker.

"Well…" Robin said, opening her real eyes.

"Oh." Nami said. "I guess I should tell Sanji-kun that I forgive him, huh?"

"Yes, I think you should."

-X-

"IT'S NOT WASHING OFF! DAMN YOU, MARIMO!"

* * *

Arrgh I still have 13 to write. ~  
Need I say more?


	11. Price

Alright. I'm pulling out my trump card, even though it's barely halfway.  
Hey, guess what? We're almost at 3000 hits! ._.

* * *

**Title: **Be Careful What You Wish For  
**Theme: **Price  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **2649  
**Rating: **T  
**Warnings: **Unintended SaNa and SanRo. And Sanji gets his payback on Zoro. Kekeke.

* * *

The kitchen counter was spread with an array of ingredients, ready to be chopped up and prepared into their dinner. Sanji rolled up his sleeves and washed his hands before grabbing a cutting board and selecting a knife. After sweeping an area clear beside the sink, Sanji reached into a cooler filled with water and pulled out a large fish he had picked out from the aquarium. The fish was flopping violently but immediately went limp when Sanji deftly pressed its eyes with his fingers.

He positioned the knife above the fish's head, preparing to lop it off. Sanji raised his arm, the blade gleaming in the light.

"Stop, sir!"

Sanji nearly dropped the knife and choked on his cigarette. He coughed violently and backed away. The fish was staring at him with one glazed eye, weakly flopping on its side.

"Don't kill me, sir!" it shouted.

"What the _hell_?" Sanji muttered, putting his cigarette out in an ashtray. He gripped the knife more tightly and slowly approached the fish.

"Spare me, sir!" the fish begged.

"What the hell are you, a Devil Fruit user?" Sanji asked incredulously.

"No, sir, I am a fish!"

"… Yeah. You're a shitty fish, and you're going to be our shitty dinner." Sanji shook his head. He'd seen enough weird things to be satisfied for another few years. The chef raised his knife again and held down the fish with one hand, preparing to cut its head off once more.

"Three wishes, sir! I shall give you three wishes!" the fish cried out. Sanji's hand paused.

"Yeah? Well, I wish I'd stop imagining such weird shitty things. _Talking fish_, hah." Sanji snorted, twirling the knife in his hand.

"No, sir, I am indeed real! In exchange for my freedom, I shall grant you three wishes!" the fish gasped. "Please, sir, I am suffocating!"

Sanji sighed. He really didn't like his dinner talking back to him. Sanji shrugged and decided to humor it. "Okay, sure. Three wishes."

"Thank you, sir!"

Sanji pushed the fish back into the cooler with a splash. It poked its head above the water and grinned at Sanji, baring its tiny needle-like teeth. The cook lit up another cigarette and looked out the porthole. Zoro was training on the deck, his muscles straining beneath the enormous weight he was supporting.

"Okay, my first wish." Sanji said. "I wish the marimo was covered in green fuzz, like a real marimo."

"Wish granted, sir!" the fish waved its fins. Sanji looked outside again and nearly choked when he watched as Zoro began to grow mold. No, it wasn't mold- it was hair, exactly like the hair on the top of his head.

Zoro dropped the weight with a loud bang when he realized what was happening to his body. He frantically patted at the green fuzz all over his once-bare skin, confusion written all over his now-hairy face.

Sanji clapped a hand over his mouth as he laughed hysterically, sinking down to the floor. The fish coughed, obviously pleased with himself.

"Okay, okay, I believe you. Damn, this is _weird_." Sanji grinned, shaking his head.

"You still have two wishes, sir, and then my release back to the sea." The fish reminded him.

"WHAT THE HELL? ZORO?" Nami shouted from outside.

"Oh my…" Robin said. Sanji could hear the amused smile in her tone, as well as Zoro's grunts of indifference.

"I'll shave later, leave me alone." Zoro said. He had apparently continued with his training, unconcerned about his sudden growth of hair.

"Is there hair on your-"

"Don't ask him _that_, Robin!" Nami said in frustration. Suddenly, Sanji knew what he wanted to wish for.

"I wish Nami-san and Robin-chan reciprocates my feelings!" Sanji blurted out to the fish. It blinked and waved its fins.

"Wish granted, sir."

Sanji grinned with excitement and ran outside, leaving the fish in the cooler. Nami was trying to pull Zoro to the infirmary while Robin stood by, giggling. Zoro, for the most part, seemed irritated that Nami was interfering with his training. His hair (_fur,_ Sanji thought, internally snickering) on his body was already damp with sweat, giving off an unpleasant odor.

"Nami-swan, Robin-chwan!~" Sanji called, hearts flying all around him.

"Sa-Sanji…?" Nami's eyes widened as she turned to look at him. A smile slowly spread on her lips as she bounded forward to greet Sanji's open arms.

"Cook-san…" Robin looked amazed as well and stepped towards him.

"Melloriiiine!" Sanji cried out as Nami and Robin rushed into his arms, burying their faces in his neck.

"Yeah… I don't want to know." Zoro cocked an eyebrow as he set down his weight, wiping off his wet, hairy brow. "Damn, it's gotten hotter outside."

Sanji was too busy swooning over the fact that _Nami _and _Robin _were embracing him to call Zoro a marimo.

Zoro rubbed at his hairy face as he walked away. Sanji, Nami, and Robin all fell down to the grass, giggling, their limbs tangled together.

"Melloriiiine~"

-X-

"Eh?" Usopp straightened up.

"Did you get something?" Luffy eagerly asked, eyeing Usopp's fishing pole.

"No. What's that smell?" Usopp asked, his nose twitching. He grimaced. "Ugh, it smells awful!"

"That would be _me _you're referring to." A low growl came from behind them. The two boys turned around and screamed. Their eyes bugged out and they nearly fell off the railing.

"S-S-SEA MONSTER!" Usopp shrieked, holding his fishing pole in front of his face. "DON'T HURT ME!"

"Whoaaaa!" Luffy's eyes sparkled.

"Guys! Shut up, it's _me_!" Zoro roared, holding out his arms.

"Zoro?" Usopp slowly lowered his pole and stared at him in disbelief. "What the hell happened?"

"Can_ I_ grow hair like that?" Luffy asked.

"NO! I mean, I don't know!" Zoro said.

"Is your butt hairy too?" Luffy asked.

"Yes, I mean, NO! Stop asking such stupid questions, Luffy!" Zoro pinched the (fuzzy) bridge of his nose. "Look, I just need to borrow your razors. Mine alone isn't going to do the job."

"I don't shave." Luffy tilted his head.

"Ewwww. You can't use mine." Usopp wrinkled his nose.

"Then how the hell am I going to get rid of all this hair?" Zoro motioned at his green, hairy body.

"Hmm." Usopp rubbed his chin, trying to ignore the awful smell Zoro was giving off. "We could try burning it off."

"… No." Zoro bluntly said.

"No, seriously, Franky and I can make a laser that could _harmlessly_ burn off all your hair in no time!" Usopp insisted.

"You look like a marimo." Luffy noted.

"SHUT UP!"

"But it's true!"

"Then don't say it out loud!"

-X-

"This is shitty wonderful!" Sanji swooned. Nami and Robin were nuzzling and kissing him, half-lidded eyes shining with the level of adoration that normally only Sanji could accomplish.

"I don't know why I've never noticed how _sexy _you are before, Sanji-kun." Nami murmured, nipping at his ear.

"Mmmm." Robin purred in agreement, kissing his neck.

"Heeee!~" Sanji grinned, pulling them closer to him.

-X-

"Whoa, Swords-bro!" Franky jumped slightly when Luffy, Usopp, and Zoro entered his workshop. Usopp was pinching his nose, but Luffy didn't seem to be bothered by Zoro's intense body odor. Franky squinted as Zoro's green-hair covered body. "You look like-"

"DON'T SAY IT!" Zoro said warningly. "Usopp said you guys can laser-blast all this hair off. Think you can do it?"

"Che, that's child's play. I could do that in my _sleep_." Franky snorted, wiping hands off on a greasy towel. "Come on, Nose-bro, let's build a hair-blasting cannon!"

"LASER! NOT A CANNON!" Zoro hastily said.

"Right! Laser-cannon!" Franky flashed a thumbs-up.

"Urgh…" Zoro rubbed his forehead.

-X-

"Shall we take this to the bedroom?" Nami whispered. Sanji froze.

"Wait- what?" Sanji turned his head to look at her. "Nami-san, I'm totally fine with just cuddling- I think we're going a little too fast-"

"Aw, someone's shy." Robin smiled. Several arms, along with Nami, picked up Sanji and began carrying him to the girls' cabin. Sanji could only stare up at the sky in a daze, hardly aware of the blood trickling down his nose.

"M-m-mellorine…"

-X-

Chopper quietly tip-toed into the galley. Once he realized Sanji wasn't preparing dinner and there was no need to be quiet, Chopper trotted over to the fridge to look for some apple juice. Just as he was about to open it, something splashed behind him.

"Small sir? Hello? Small sir?"

Chopper squeaked and jumped. His eyes swept around the galley and rested upon a large fish peering out of a water-filled cooler.

"Y-yes?" Chopper hesitantly approached the fish. Truthfully, he didn't want to start a conversation with something that would inevitably end up on the dinner table.

"Please find the blonde sir, he still has one wish left." The fish calmly requested, ducking down into the water to remoisten its head.

"Sanji? You want to find Sanji?"

"Yes. The blonde sir ran off without his last wish, small sir." The fish explained.

"Wishes?" Chopper sat down in front of the cooler, apple juice forgotten. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, small sir, there was the fuzzy green man…"

-X-

The trouble began when Nami and Robin realized they didn't want a threesome (much to Sanji's hidden disappointment).

"Please, we can make this work out somehow!" Sanji pleaded to no avail.

"Go away! Sanji-kun is mine!"

"You and your petty excuses!"

Somehow, watching Nami and Robin wrestle half-clothed wasn't as satisfying as Sanji imagined before. Sort of.

"I met him first!" Nami flipped Robin over and dug her elbow into her back.

"He _owes _me for having tea with Kalifa!" Robin waved a hand and several arms pulled Nami back to the floor, restraining her.

"W-who told you about that?" Sanji gulped nervously. "Nami-san, Robin-chan, please stop fighting!"

"Then you have to choose." Robin finally released Nami and sat back, crossing her arms. Nami glowered at her before sitting upright. They both stared at Sanji expectantly.

"It's either me or her." Nami said defiantly.

"But I want both of you!" Sanji said helplessly. "Can't you… take turns… or something?"

"No." they both said flatly.

"Eh…" Sanji exhaled through his teeth uneasily. "Do I _really _have to choose?"

"Yes."

"Oh boy…"

-X-

"Okay, it's ready!" Franky grinned, setting the soldering iron aside. He held up the small laser, which resembled a microphone with a pen sticking out of it.

"Hurry up, Zoro's starting to stink up the whole room." Usopp flapped a hand at Zoro. The green swordsman scowled and scooted closer to Usopp just to mess with him.

"Can I fire the first laser?" Luffy eagerly asked, bouncing up and down in his seat.

"Sure, why not?" Franky shrugged and handed the laser to him.

"OI!" Zoro scrambled back when Luffy advanced upon him with the laser in hand. "I'm not trusting you with that thing!"

"Zoroooo." Luffy pouted. "Just your arm, pleaaase?"

Zoro grimaced, sighed, and held out one hairy arm. "Make it quick."

Luffy grinned and took aim, finger poised over the button. Zoro squeezed his eyes shut as he felt the laser tingling against his skin.

"Hey, look, I can write my name!" Luffy laughed. Zoro whipped his arm away. Sure enough, in a narrow trail of bare, hairless skin in a sloppy cursive handwriting was "LUFFY" on his forearm.

"Gimme that!" Zoro snatched the laser away from Luffy and quickly burned off the rest of the green hair on his hand and arm, up to his shoulder. He looked down at his hairy chest and legs. "Damn, this'll take forever…"

"Then this calls for a bigger cannon." Franky said, grabbing the soldering iron.

"LASER! _LASER!_"

"A bigger laser cannon. Gotcha." Franky nodded.

Zoro facepalmed, only to scratch himself in the eye with his other hairy palm.

-X-

"Let _go_!" Robin hissed in a very un-Robin like manner, pulling Sanji towards her. Sanji turned red and nearly spouted more blood out of his nose when he found his face right below her chest.

"_You _let go!" Nami growled, yanking Sanji. Sanji moaned with the effort to keep his blood in his nose when his head was shifted below Nami's chest.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" Sanji weakly called out as Robin and Nami glared daggers at each other.

"Sir, you still have one wish, sir!"

"Sanji, the magic fish needs to see you." Chopper said through the door.

"Shit…" Sanji glanced up at Robin and Nami, who had secure grips on just about his entire body. "Uh, come in?"

Chopper entered in Heavy Point, carrying the cooler with the fish in it. He squeaked and nearly dropped it when he saw Nami and Robin holding Sanji down against the bed, half of their clothes missing.

"W-what are you guys doing?" Chopper asked, his voice rising in pitch.

"Small sir, I believe it is called 'bondage'." The fish helpfully said.

"Humans are weird…" Chopper muttered, setting the cooler down. "Okay Sanji, here's the fish."

"What is your final wish, sir?" the fish asked, splashing water on the floor.

Sanji looked back and forth at Nami and Robin, too focused on glaring at each other to notice the talking fish. "I… I wish Nami and Robin are back to normal!"

"Wish granted, sir! Now I ask for my freedom, sir!" the fish waved its fins.

"I'll take you, magic fish." Chopper picked up the cooler and quickly exited.

"W-WHAT THE HELL?" Nami shrieked, scrambling away from Sanji. Robin quickly got off the bed and stared at Sanji in mild shock.

"Nami-san, Robin-chan!"

"You BASTARD!" Nami strode forward and bonked him on the head. Robin indignantly began to gather their clothes. She threw Sanji's shirt in his face as Nami seethed. "Sanji-kun, I can't believe you did that!"

"You remember?" Sanji's mouth twisted downwards in horror.

"Hell yes we did!" Nami turned to Robin. "Oh god, I'm _so _sorry for biting your arm."

"I'm sorry for shoving your foot down your throat." Robin said, handing Nami her blouse.

"I-I'm sorryyyy!" Sanji blubbered, burying his face in his hands. "I'm a worthless idiooooot!"

"Sanji-kun, stop crying." Nami sighed, awkwardly patting his shoulder. "We'll all agree to _never _speak of this again. Okay?"

"Agreed." Robin nodded, cradling her head in her hand.

"I'll never be able to make it up." Sanji mumbled into the sheets, unable to face them.

"A hundred thousand beri ought to do it." Nami smiled hesitantly, rubbing her temples. "And as long as you learned your lesson.

"Yeah. Be careful what you wish for…" Sanji said. "Everything great comes with an even greater price…"

"Cook-san, that's very cliché."

-X-

"Oi, Brook, can I borrow your shampoo?"

Brook turned and promptly shrieked. Zoro blinked impassively, his entire body covered in short green hair except for his left arm and half of his right leg.

"Can I borrow your shampoo?" Zoro asked again.

"Zoro-san… what happened?" Brook asked, setting his jaw back in place.

"I dunno." Zoro shrugged. "I'm not letting Franky and Usopp blast it off with a freaking laser cannon, so I figured I might as well keep it until I can buy more razors at the next island."

He held up a bent, mangled razor that had enormous clumps of green fuzz on it. Brook shuddered.

"Of course. Would you like conditioner as well?" Brook offered. "It will make your fur- excuse me, _hair _shiny and soft!"

"No. It's just going to get sweaty again."

"Ah, if you insist." Brook walked away to get a bottle of shampoo for Zoro, slightly dazed.

-X-

Dinner that night was oddly quiet. Luffy was muttering to himself, pinching at his hairless, shiny rubber skin. Usopp was sitting as far away from Zoro as possible and quiet discussing something about a cannon with Franky. Nami continued to give warning glares at Sanji, who seemed anxious about something. Chopper chose not to question Zoro about his hair on the premises that he would allow the doctor to check him for lice after their meal.

"Swordsman-san, you smell like peaches and vanilla." Robin commented, raising an eyebrow.

"Yup." Zoro nodded vaguely, shoveling food in his mouth.

* * *

No, you can't have fuzzy Zoro. He belongs to Wado Ichimonji, bwahaha. -_-"  
Reviews with thought and opinion will be loved forever.


	12. Lies

Anyone read the Ed Sullivan Show omake? For those who have:  
SANNEMON!  
(If you don't get it, go read it. You'll laugh your ass off at Sanji).

* * *

**Title: **Of Love and Lesbians  
**Theme: **Lies  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **843  
**Rating: **T  
**Warnings: **Every time, every single time. It always feels like one of the three is blatantly OOC, but I can't figure out why. Arrgh!

* * *

"Oh crap." Nami whispered, slowly raising her head. "Robin, what day is it?"

Robin wordlessly pointed to the calendar hanging beside Nami's desk, her eyes focused on her book. Nami ran over and jabbed her finger at the date.

"It's _Valentine's Day_." Nami enunciated. The square had been outlined in red several times, the ink smearing into other dates.

"It is." Robin murmured, turning a page. As if on cue, a loud love-song began drifting through the floor from the galley below. "I don't see why you're so panicked about it."

"You weren't here last Valentine's Day." Nami began pacing. "I was nearly _crushed _under all the presents Sanji gave me. I still have the scars! Look!"

"Then tell Cook-san to leave you alone."

"No." Nami's feet stopped and her face lit up. "I have a better idea."

Robin looked up from her book. She recognized Nami's expression and coughed. "This wouldn't involve me, would it?"

"It would."

She sighed. "I thought so."

-X-

"Oh, love, like a river, streaming through the veins of my heaaaart~" Sanji sang, leaping around the kitchen, preparing several dishes at once. "Struck by lightning I faaaall-"

"My ears are bleeding!" Zoro shouted, his fingers plugged in his ears.

"You ruined my song, marimo!"

"Is breakfast ready yet?" Zoro asked.

"No. Go outside to wait. You're stinking up the kitchen. And don't let anyone else in until I'm done!" Sanji ordered, stirring a pot while mixing something in a bowl. Zoro grumbled and went outside, only to be barreled over by Chopper and Luffy.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" they sang. Chopper presented an empty box to Zoro, smiling.

"Uh, thanks?" Zoro hesitantly accepted the box. It was slightly crushed and the insides were stained with brown. "What the hell is this, anyways?"

"It was a box of chocolates. But I got hungry, so I ate two pieces. Then Luffy saw me and said it was unfair so he tried to eat the rest of the chocolates then I tried to pull the box away but Luffy still ate all the pieces anyways!" Chopper said in one breath. His eyes began to tear up. "Y-you're not mad, right Zoro?"

"Zoro! Don't make Chopper cry!" Luffy said.

"It's really great, Chopper." Zoro quickly said, patting the reindeer on the head. "Thanks."

"You're not welcome one bit, you bastard!" Chopper squirmed on Zoro's chest, trying not to grin. A shadow passed over Zoro's face and he looked up. Nami and Robin were headed towards the galley.

"Oi. Ero-cook said no one can go in." Zoro said, trying to pry Luffy and Chopper off of him.

"He won't object to us." Nami smiled calmly.

"You're going to see Sanji. Today's Valentine's Day. Have you lost your mind?" Zoro asked incredulously.

"Apparently so." Robin muttered. Nami elbowed her and her smile widened.

"We'll tell him you said hi."

"Don't bother." Zoro rolled his eyes.

-X-

When the door opened, Sanji was about to turn around to yell at whoever entered to go away when he realized it was the two resident females.

"HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, MY DEARS!" Sanji bellowed, noodle-dancing around them.

"Sanji-kun, we have something we need to tell you!" Nami shouted over the fierce wind he was stirring up.

"Yeees?~" Sanji stopped swirling around but continued to noodle in place.

"Robin and I are lesbians." Nami said seriously, hooking her arm through Robin's. Robin, for the most part, looked as halcyon as ever.

Sanji froze mid-noodle, face frozen in an expression of love-sickness.

Robin coughed uncomfortable.

Nami waited expectantly.

Sanji fell over.

"Sanji-kun?" Nami bent down to prod at his shoulder. He began to tremble.

"I think you overdid it, Navigator-san." Robin said.

"MELLORIIIINE!~" Sanji suddenly exploded upright, noodle-dancing ten-times faster than before. "Looooove!"

"What?" Nami shouted, unable to hear him over the incessant wind.

"This is wonderful!" Sanji twirled over to the kitchen and began to furiously stir, mix, taste, season, flip, and fry. "I'll have to make a whole new meal for you two beauties! Then a special Valentine's dinner for your date! And I'll be your faithful butler for today!"

Sanji twirled back to Nami and Robin and waited expectantly, grinning widely.

"It didn't exactly go as planned, did it?" Robin muttered to Nami, slightly smirking.

"Wait, you aren't upset about this?" Nami asked in disbelief.

"Of course not! What better gift of Valentine's Day than to realize that two goddesses have fallen in love?" Sanji swooned.

"Okay, Sanji-kun, we lied. We're _not _lesbians." Nami threw up her hands in defeat. Robin laughed silently behind her hand.

"Oh." Sanji furrowed his brow for a second before his ecstatic expression returned again. "That's still okay! Happy Valentine's Day, Nami-swan and Robin-chwan!" He dove in for a hug and kiss, only to be dodged.

"I give up." Nami sighed. "Okay, Sanji-kun, Happy Valentine's Day."

"Happy Valentine's Day." Robin agreed, smiling in amusement.

Zoro watched them from the doorway, where he had been observing the scene the entire time. He shook his head and walked away. "What the hell was _that _about?"

* * *

Oh Oda, I love you. *goes off to read it again*  
Sannemon says review or else he'll sit on you.  
Teh lulz, ya.


	13. Devil Fruit

Nyaaaah. I only got 19 done so far. T_T

* * *

**Title: **Invisible Man  
**Theme: **Devil Fruit  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **1217  
**Rating: **T  
**Warnings: **Peeping Tom Sanji and stuff. I also have a bad feeling there might be slight OOCness.

* * *

Nami woke up to the sound of seagulls squawking noisily outside and the gentle rocking of the ship. She yawned and rubbed her eyes before reaching for the club beside her bed. Calmly, Nami whacked at the empty space next to her night table and Sanji cried out.

"Ow!" Sanji materialized, rubbing the bump on his head. He straightened up and smiled brightly. "Good morning, Nami-san!"

"Uh huh." Nami yawned again. She shuffled towards the bathroom and paused. Sanji had disappeared again. "Sanji! You'd better not!"

"Oh, Nami-san, you know I wouldn't do that." Sanji appeared beside her, looking wounded. Nami grunted and rubbed the remaining grit out of her eyes. She glared at Sanji before shutting the door and locking it securely. Sanji disappeared again and the cabin was silent save for the sound of running water.

The door opened and Robin entered, a newspaper tucked under one arm. She swept her eyes across the seemingly empty room and smiled.

An arm sprouted from the bookshelf and punched the air. Sanji collapsed to the floor, gasping in pain, his legs twitching and eyes tearing up.

"I apologize, Cook-san. I didn't mean to hit you there." Robin casually said, setting the newspaper on the desk.

"N-no problem, Robin-chan!" Sanji whimpered. He shakily stood up and limped outside.

"Is he gone?" Nami cautiously opened the bathroom door moments later.

"Yes, he is."

Nami sighed and stepped outside, clad in a towel. She began to rummage in her bureau for clothes. "God, that invisibility thing really is annoying."

"I think it's funny."

"That's what you always say."

-X-

Zoro warily entered the galley, eyes darting around the room. His hand remained on the hilt of his sword as he began to pull back a chair at the table. There was a small rustle to his left and Zoro immediately had the blade of his sword at Sanji's neck.

"Oi! Watch it, shithead!" Sanji backed off.

"Che." Zoro snorted. "Sneaking up on people again, I see."

"What's it to you?"

"It makes you a pervert."

"Shut up!"

"Pervert."

Sanji glared at Zoro before returning to the kitchen to finish preparing breakfast. He tossed eggs in a frying pan while flipping pancakes in another skillet.

"So what were Nami and Robin wearing this morning?" Zoro casually asked.

"A light orange undershirt and boxers, a white T-shirt and- hey!" Sanji whipped around when he realized what Zoro had done.

"Someday Nami's going to beat your ass overboard for watching them sleep." Zoro shook his head.

"But she hasn't yet!~" Sanji said dreamily.

"Pervert."

"SHUT UP!"

-X-

Nami glanced around the cabin, all her senses on alert. She hadn't seen Sanji in the galley, or the aquarium bar, or at the front of the ship smoking. It was unsettling, not knowing where the invisible man was at all times.

The knob on the bathroom door jiggled. Nami froze and slowly began advancing towards it, picking up a book on the way over. The door opened and Nami immediately swung the book.

"Ah!" Nami stopped her arms, the book inches away from Robin's face. Robin stared at the book for a second before lowering it with one hand.

"Is there any reason why you're trying to hit me, Navigator-san?"

"Sorry, I thought you were Sanji-kun." Nami rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly, tossing the book on her bed.

"Cook-san is outside on the deck."

"But I didn't see him."

Robin raised an eyebrow incredulously. Nami sighed.

-X-

Luffy jumped across the deck, playing some obscure game with Usopp that they were making up as they went along. He picked up a small rock and threw it. It bounced off the mast and landed in a bucket.

"I get four hundred points!" Luffy declared, balancing on one foot.

"No, because you didn't pass the white line!" Usopp pointed at a strip of grass that they had spread flour on.

"I already tied the socks to the ratlines!" Luffy protested.

"That's only _after _you take four steps behind the barrel."

"Ohhh." Luffy nodded, wobbling. Sanji glanced at them from the railing, his cigarette half-spent.

"What the hell are you guys playing, anyways?" Sanji asked.

"Basketball!" Luffy grinned.

"I don't think that's how you play." Sanji said.

"Playing by the rules is boring. See, watch!" Luffy hopped to the bucket and took the rock out. He wound up his arm and let it spiral into the air, the rock flying overboard.

"Oh crap, the football!" Luffy jumped off the ship after it.

"What the- shit!" Sanji instinctively leapt after Luffy, only remembering that he was a hammer the moment his feet left the deck. "_Shit_!"

Zoro looked up from his training just in time to hear a splash and see Sanji fall overboard. He dropped his weight and sighed, walking down the stairs. Usopp was in a panic, running in circles.

"Zoro! Zoro!" Usopp shouted. "Luffy and Sanji-"

"I know, _I know_." Zoro shook him off. "Those morons are hopeless." He tore his haramaki off and dove over the railing, Sanji struggling in the water and Luffy nowhere in sight.

Moments later, Sanji and Luffy were laying on the grass, panting and spitting up water. Zoro dried his hair off with a towel Usopp brought and scowled at the two Devil Fruit users.

"Next time, I'm seriously considering letting you drown." He jabbed a finger in Sanji's wet shirt.

"Hear that, Luffy? Marimo's not going to save us anymore." Sanji laughed, coughing up more water.

"Not him. He's the captain. _You_, on the other hand-"

"You wanna say something, marimo?"

"If you weren't so _stupid_ and always jumping overboard-"

"HEY!" Nami walked briskly to them, evidently pissed off. Sanji choked and immediately turned invisible.

"Oi, curly-brow!" Zoro patted the spot where Sanji used to be. Nami narrowed her eyes and stared at the deck until she found the foot-sized indentations in the grass where Sanji was sneaking away.

"Sorry Cook-san, we can't let you leave just yet." Robin appeared behind Nami. Several arms sprouted from the grass and grabbed onto something invisible.

"I wasn't trying to leave!" Sanji weakly protested, materializing. "Oi, Usopp, where're _you _going?"

"I'm not involved in this." Usopp chuckled nervously, backing away. "Besides, uh, Franky's calling me. Coming, Franky!"

"Neeeh. I'm hungry again." Luffy groaned. Zoro pulled him up to his feet.

"Sanji-kun, it's enough trouble already that Luffy _and _Brook _and _Chopper constantly need to be fished out of the water." Nami said in frustration. "Imagine if Robin was like that, too!"

"Robin-chan isn't thick-headed!"

"You're not either, Sanji-kun. _Stop falling overboard_."

"Okay." Sanji hung his head and the arms released him.

"Lesson learned, Peeping Tom?" Zoro snickered. Sanji spat a mouthful of sea water at him.

-X-

Nami yawned and set down her pen, her map half-finished. She scraped her chair back and crawled into her bed. Robin was still reading, the lamp casting a soft glow across the room.

"Good night, Robin."

"Good night, Nami-chan."

Nami turned over to see a shadow flicker on the wall. She reached for her club and swung out, hitting Sanji on the head.

"Good night, Sanji-kun." She smiled, pulling the blanket over herself.

"Good night, Nami-san, Robin-chan!" Sanji smiled sheepishly and waved as he backed out, softly closing the door behind him.

* * *

Hopefully I can finish the last 11 in the next... two days so I can update here more often. -_-  
Reviews with thought are loved.


	14. Tangerine: AU

As per Anon's request, I shall stop asking for reviews.  
Run free, fave'nrunners. _Run free. _\o/

* * *

**Title: **Forbidden Fruit or Sanji Tries to be a Dentist  
**Theme: **Tangerine  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **1979  
**Rating: **T  
**Warnings: **AU

* * *

The tall grass rustled slightly as a mouse ran through, scrounging for seeds. It halted and perked up, ears twitching, before beginning to run off again. The mouse hardly made it past three steps before a hand snatched it up, smothering its head so it wouldn't squeak out.

"Sorry, you're being too noisy." Sanji said in a voice so quiet he could hardly hear himself. Still gripping the mouse, he peered above the grass. An enormous tree stood not far from his position. There was no sign of anyone else around it.

Sanji carefully moved a little further and let the mouse go into a burrow, placing a hand over the hole to make sure it wouldn't come back up. After about a minute, he began to move again.

A grin broke out when he saw the large oranges hanging among the branches of the tall tree. There was still no sign of anyone around, so Sanji stood up and walked towards the tree.

_Zzzi!_

Sanji froze and nearly fell over when an arrow whizzed past his head, nicking his ear. He stopped in his tracks and clumsily pulled out his own bow, glancing around wildly.

"Look, sister, another one."

"He looks less confident than the others."

"A lot skinnier, too."

"He won't be much of a meal to the dragon, anyways."

"That's too bad."

"Hello!" Sanji shouted, preparing an arrow and pinching the taut string. He tried to pretend he knew what he was doing- in reality, he was hopeless with archery. "Are you the spirits who guard the tree?"

"He's curious, too. _Too _curious."

"What a corny line."

"Indeed, I- wait, what? _Excuse _me, Robin?"

"Just saying…"

"You totally ruined it! I thought we had it all planned out and everything!"

"I prefer improvisation."

"Oh my Gods- you know what, forget it."

Sanji stumbled back when two figures dropped down from the tree. He fumbled with his bow and pointed it to them, though the arrow kept shaking and slipping from his fingers. Without warning, his weapons were swatted out from his hands by an unseen force and he was pushed down to the ground from behind. A quick glance confirmed that there wasn't anyone there. Sanji gulped and got up to his knees to see the spirits more clearly.

It was just like the stories said. Beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, breath-taking, angelic, elegant… Sanji eventually ran out of adjectives in his mind.

"Please, allow me to pick one tangerine from the Tree of Mikan!" Sanji bowed deeply.

"Like hell I'd let you!"

"Nami, no need to get so angry…"

"Oh, shut up Robin!"

"Nami, Robin, what lovely names." Sanji said out loud, smiling a little. The taller guardian giggled lightly behind her hand. Her companion snorted and clenched her fists. Their images flickered, as if they were made of mist.

"You know attempting to approach the tree results in death." Nami crossed her arms, glaring at the young man.

"I _need _one. Please." Sanji insisted.

"And what would cause such urgency that you would to attempt to steal from the tree?" Robin tilted her head. Her expression was unreadable, which made Sanji slightly uneasy.

"I… uh… see…" Sanji struggled to find the words. "Okay, I'm working for this old shitty geezer, and he needs one of these tangerines- not any other tangerine, it has to be from this tree- for… a dish he's cooking. He said it's going to be _really _good… like, food for the gods…"

Nami stared at him blankly. She suddenly burst out laughing. "That's the worst reason I've heard yet!"

Sanji hung his head and sighed.

"Ah, what the hell. Sure, you can have one. But!" Nami held up a hand before Sanji could throw himself at her feet. "You have to carry out a little errand for my sister and me."

"I'll do anything for you two angels!" Sanji grinned, swaying back and forth.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Robin muttered to Nami.

"He won't be able to do it. Let's just see if he'll dare to try." Nami whispered back. She turned back to Sanji and smiled brightly. "Okay, there's this dragon in the back of our garden, and-"

"You want me to slay it?" Sanji asked eagerly.

"Sadly, no." Nami shook her head. "We haven't been able to clean his teeth in _centuries. _He's… very excitable."

"Not to mention his constant hunger for meat." Robin muttered. Nami elbowed her, but Sanji didn't seem to hear her.

"So you want me to clean his _teeth_?" Sanji asked incredulously, a bit skeptical. "And if I do, you'll let me have one of your tangerines, right?"

"Yup. Do you accept?"

"Yeeeesss~!"

"…Okay." Nami nodded. She snapped her fingers and Sanji suddenly found himself in a beautiful garden, bursting with flowers of all colors and sizes. Vines heavy with fruit snaked around the ground and bees lazily drifted from one flower to the next. A low rumble came from behind a short stone wall. Sanji picked his way over the flora and peered over the barrier.

A large red dragon was sleeping in a patch of burnt grass. Its tongue was flopping out of its mouth and its belly twitched each time it snored (loudly). Sanji suddenly reeled back and fell. That _smell_!

The world began to spin as Sanji registered the awful stench of rotting meat and other unmentionables. His eyes watered, blurring his vision, and tears poured down his face. A burning sensation began to spread through his face. Sanji gasped for air, only to choke and gag. He crawled away from the stone wall.

Eventually Sanji found himself huddled beneath a golden weeping willow. He shuddered and took deep breaths of fresh air- even so, the faint stench of the dragon could still be barely detected. Did the two spirits set him up on purpose? Sanji coughed and leaned back against the tree. He _could _just tell Nami and Robin that he couldn't handle it and return to Zeff… without a tangerine. Sanji clenched his fists at the thought of what his mentor would say if he failed on his errand.

Taking a deep breath, Sanji stood up and marched to the stone wall. The dragon was still snoring loudly, one claw unconsciously scratching its exposed belly. Cautiously, Sanji hopped over the short wall. His eyes began to burn again and his stomach churned. What were those spirits feeding the dragon?

"Nggyaaah." The dragon yawned and smacked its lips. Sanji froze and clamped a hand against his nose and mouth, trying to protect himself against the terrible odor. As he gagged and squeezed his burning eyes shut, the dragon turned to look at the young man.

"Eh? Person!" the dragon said happily. It trotted over to Sanji on all four stubby legs, grinning widely to show off its food (along with other crap) encrusted teeth. "Hiya! I'm Monkey D. Luffy. I dunno why I'm called Monkey, since I'm a dragon, so you can call me Luffy!"

"Shitty dragon!" Sanji coughed violently. The beast smelled even worse up close. He glanced to the side and saw a bucket beside a small well and two large wooden-handled brushes. "Alright, I'm going to clean your mouth."

"Oh, you're one of _those_ people." The dragon frowned. "Guess I'll just eat you then."

"DON'T BE SO CASUAL ABOUT IT, BASTARD!" Sanji kicked the dragon. Luffy recoiled and rubbed the bump on his snout.

"Ow! That hurt!" Luffy whined. "It's not my fault I don't like baths!"

"Can't you smell your own stench of shit?" Sanji yelled, only causing him to fall in another fit of coughing and gagging.

"No, not really." The dragon cocked his head, looking at Sanji strangely. "You're weird."

Sanji glared at Luffy. He picked up one of the brushes and dipped it in the bucket of water. The dragon watched his movements warily. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to get that tangerine for the shitty geezer." Sanji approached the dragon, fighting against the overwhelming stink. For every step he took, Luffy took three steps back.

"No!"

"Stop running away, shitty dragon!"

"I don't wanna!"

"Just let me clean your teeth!"

"Then I'll bite your head off!"

"YOU TRYING TO THREATEN ME, EH?" Sanji kicked Luffy again. While the dragon was dazed, Sanji wrenched his jaws open, only to fall over from the hot, reeking breath. Luffy chortled in triumph and attempted to run off, but Sanji quickly recomposed himself and leapt after him. With movements faster than Luffy could follow, the young man grabbed onto his long neck and tried to force the dripping brush into his mouth. However, it only ended up stuck up one of the dragon's nostrils.

"Ow! Dat hurts!" Luffy bucked wildly, trying to sneeze the brush out. Sanji wrenched it away and grimaced at the layer of slime now coating the bristles. He tossed it aside and rolled off the dragon's back.

"All this for a tangerine." Sanji muttered, still dizzy from the awful smell.

"That was really mean, bastard!" Luffy shouted. "Now my nose hurts!"

"Come _on_. I really need one of those fruits." Sanji held up his hands, trying to show the dragon that he wasn't going to do anything else. "If the spirits who guard the tree want your mouth clean, then I'll clean it!"

"Too bad. Nami and Robin don't feed me enough, so I won't let you." Luffy huffed, sitting down heavily. Inspiration struck out of nowhere. It was a stupid idea, but Sanji had a feeling it would work.

"Hey… if I promise you all the food you can eat, will you let me clean your teeth?" Sanji knew Zeff would skin him alive for making such a foolish promise, but he had already made a deal with Nami and Robin.

"Like a buffet?" Luffy's ears perked up.

"Yeah. Like a buffet. No humans!" Sanji hastily added.

"Hmmm. Okay." Luffy opened his mouth wide, exposing his filthy teeth. There were bits of mystery meat stuck in between and the air around Luffy was practically shimmering from the intensity of the odor. Sanji took deep breath behind his hand, grabbed the second brush, and leaned into the dragon's maw.

-X-

"I- hah- I did it!" Sanji gasped, falling at the two spirits' feet. Nami and Robin exchanged a glance. The young man's hair was a complete mess, his curly eyebrow had been burned off, and his shirt was covered in unidentifiable stains, but the dragon behind him no longer smelled like century-old meat. Luffy grinned, showing off clean white teeth and pink gums.

"You really did do it." Nami said in surprise. "No one else ever dared to go _near _Luffy."

"What an incredible feat." Robin closed her eyes and smiled.

"Do I get a tangerine from your tree, then?" Sanji smiled hopefully.

"Well-"

"Keep your promise, sister." Robin said meaningfully.

"Fine." Nami crossed her arms. A hand sprouted from a branch on the tree and plucked a tangerine, but Sanji was too exhausted to be startled. It threw the fruit down and Robin caught it.

"There you go." Robin handed the tangerine to Sanji. He stared down at it in awe. It looked no different from any other orange he had seen, but it was… _different_.

"Food! Now you have to feed me! Food food food!" the dragon yelled, stomping his feet.

"Are you stupid?" Nami said sharply. "You promised to _feed _Luffy? You must be out of your mind!"

"Oh dear…" Robin bit her lip.

"Why? Does he eat a lot?" Sanji asked, carefully pocketing the precious tangerine.

"You have no idea." Robin muttered. Luffy stomped around them in circles, bellowing happily.

"It'll be like your efforts had gone to waste." Nami sadly shook her head.

"FOOOOOD!"

Sanji had a feeling Zeff wouldn't be so happy about him bringing a bottomless dragon back to the village.

* * *

Thought of the day: Why do people hate Akainu _only_ because he killed Ace? Doesn't anyone remember how he _blew up the evacuation ship _during the Ohara Incident?


	15. Thief: AU

I FIIINISSSHED! 8D  
Oh god, I was panicking last night... trying to write 6 fics in about half an hour. Not easy, I tell ya. As a result, the next chapters are going to be _really _short, around 100-800 words.

* * *

**Title: **Backfired  
**Theme: **Thief  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **598  
**Rating: **K+  
**Warnings: **AU, modern-day. Mind you, I don't live in a city so I have no idea how muggings work and such. ._.

* * *

Sanji walked briskly down the relatively empty city street. His way was illuminated by dim streetlamps and the stores lining the road were already closed up. It was Zeff's fault, he imagined, for making him stay later than usual to help clean up the mess Luffy had made in the kitchen. Now it was in the godforsaken hours of the night (or morning, whichever one). It was almost unsettling to be the only person on the street, but Sanji shook the trivial fear from his mind and continued on his way back to his apartment.

Out of nowhere, a figure barreled into him and knocked him into the concrete. Sanji tried to yell out but a hand clamped over his mouth, muffling him. Once the initial shock wore off, he began to fight back.

It was too dark to see his attacker clearly. The figure was wearing a thick hoodie, obscuring his face, and he didn't make a sound when Sanji managed to kick him in the gut.

Just when Sanji was about to throw his attacker off of him, another two pairs of hands grabbed his arms and twisted them above his head in a painful position. His initial assailant reached into his pocket, clearly searching for a wallet.

"Let- go- bastard!" Sanji grunted, flailing.

"Ow!" the person yelped when Sanji kicked his- her?- fingers. Sanji stopped struggling when he realized his attacker was a woman.

"Miss! I'm so sorry!" he gasped, forgetting the second person behind him. "Are you okay? I didn't mean to- I'm sorry!"

"I don't have time for this." she flung her hood off, revealing a copper-headed girl that couldn't have been any older than Sanji was. She grabbed Sanji's collar and pulled him close. "Where's your money?"

The other person released Sanji's arms. He twisted around to see yet another woman, this one clearly older than the copper-head.

"Nami, it's been too long." She glanced around warily, as if expecting the cops to pop up.

"There's no one else around, Robin. Where's your money?" Nami demanded again, shaking Sanji.

"Why didn't you say so? A gorgeous beauty such as you shouldn't have to wander around without any cash for herself." Sanji grinned dazedly, reaching into the pocket sewn on the inside of his jacket.

"Wait-what?" Nami shook her head. "Dude, I'm _mugging _you."

"We." The other woman- Robin- corrected.

"Yeah, we, whatever." Nami said. "Hurry up!"

"Right away, my angel!" Sanji pulled out his wallet and opened it, exposing the cash inside. "Take all the money you want, but please leave the credit cards. I was planning on cancelling a couple, anyways."

"Uh, thanks?" Nami said uncertainly, snatching the bills out.

"Any time, Miss Nami!" Sanji grinned up at her. "Would you like my phone number?"

"What?"

"I'd like to take you two out for dinner sometime, if that's okay." Sanji looked back at Robin, who seemed puzzled at his courteous behavior. "To get to know you better and stuff."

"Okay, now I'm kind of freaked out. No one we've mugged ever asked us out on a freaking _date _before." Nami pocketed the cash and backed away. "Come on, Robin, let's get out of here."

Sanji watched the two girls slip away down the street, eventually disappearing into an alley. He sighed regretfully. They seemed like such nice girls.

-X-

"That was _weird_." Nami said, counting up the cash by flashlight. "Did you see his eyebrow? It's curly."

"Maybe he was drunk." Robin suggested, keeping an eye on the street outside.

"Maybe." Nami snorted. "From now on, no more mugging. We're pickpocketing."

* * *

Thought of the day: Why do some fangirls call Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Ace, Law, etc. bishounen but never Usopp? Usopp is sexy too, you know! ... Not that _any _of them are bishounen, but you get the idea.


	16. Hat

Arrgh... now I need to get started on Set 4. But I'm too drained to write anything at the moment. -_-

* * *

**Title: **Cute in Pink  
**Theme: **Hat  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **467  
**Rating: **K+  
**Warnings: **This is the last one I completed during my mad rush to the finish, so please don't expect anything amazing. T_T  
(Why I'm posting these in random order, I have no idea).

* * *

"Sanji, can you hold my hat for me while I go spelunking with Usopp and Zoro? I don't want to get mold on it." Chopper held up his fuzzy pink hat to Sanji imploringly. "Please?"

"Sure. Go have fun in the caves." Sanji smiled gently, patting his head. Chopper giggled and ran off to join Zoro and Usopp, who were waiting at the cave entrance. They entered and Usopp's loud story-telling eventually drifted away, leaving Sanji in the quiet woods. He fingered Chopper's hat. It was still surprisingly fuzzy, considering how much it went through (_"though not as much as the shitty gomu's abused hat"_) and it carried a faint smell of candy behind Chopper's own reindeer scent. Sanji yawned and leaned against the tree, absentmindedly putting the hat on his head. It was even softer on the inside, and pretty warm…

-X-

"There he is. Usopp, Zoro, and Chopper are probably still exploring." Nami said, stepping through thick bushes. She stopped and Robin nearly bumped into her. "Oh!"

"Yes?" Robin peered above Nami's head. Sanji was sleeping against a tree not far from them, Chopper's hat tilting over his eyes.

"Sanji-kun looks like a big teddy bear!" Nami giggled behind her hand. "Doesn't he look cute in Chopper's hat?"

"I think anyone would look cute in that." Robin smiled.

"Mm?" Sanji yawned. He stretched and pushed the brim of the hat back to glance around sleepily. He scrambled upright when he noticed Nami and Robin watching him. "Oh! Nami-san, Robin-chan, I didn't see you there!"

"Sanji-kun, why are you wearing Chopper's hat?" Nami giggled.

"Oh. He told me to hold it for him, but I guess I put it on before I took a nap." Sanji said.

"Don't take it off!" Nami hastily said when Sanji raised his hands. "You look cute in it.'

"I-I do?" Sanji's eye brightened. "_Mellorine_!"

"Chopper won't let you wear it forever, though." Robin smiled. "They're bound to return eventually.

"Unless marimo gets lost." Sanji said. "Ah, I'm sure Usopp is competent enough."

"WE DIDN'T GET LOST, SO _HAH!_" Zoro bellowed as the three of them tramped out, Chopper's fur slightly damp and Usopp's nose scratched up.

"Thanks for holding it, Sanji!" Chopper said happily, taking the hat from Sanji's head and jamming it over his own, his antlers and ears popping out.

"So many bats…" Usopp muttered. "Not enough spiders…"

"Alright, ship's that way." Zoro pointed to the east. Everyone else unanimously pointed to the west. He sputtered indignantly. "Well, fine! Let's go that way and become hopelessly lost!"

As they hiked back through the woods, Sanji was still grinning over how Nami-san had called him _cute_. Maybe when they went to the next town, he'd have to find an even cuter hat just to hear her say it again…

* * *

Thought of the day: So why do you love One Piece? The characters, the fights, the humor, the story itself, etc... though I hope it isn't because of the pairing possibilities or for the "bishounen".


	17. Laugh

Bujeezus, I _still _haven't started on Set 4 yet. -_-

* * *

**Title: **The Laughing Fruit  
**Theme: **Laugh  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **1174  
**Rating: **K+  
**Warnings: **Overall silliness and a terrible plot. What? This is another one from my midnight rush...

* * *

"HAAAHAHAHA!" Usopp guffawed. He doubled over and dropped the red peach, wheezing from laughter.

"So, how about it?" the salesman grinned, tapping the basket filled to the brim with the same fruit.

"H-hah, how did you grow these?" Usopp asked, recovering from his laugh attack.

"That's a secret." He tapped his head. "So are you interested?"

Usopp dug his hand into his pocket and withdrew the little allowance Nami had given him. "Is this enough?"

"Sure, why not?" the salesman took the beri and handed Usopp the basket. "Have fun with those, kid!"

"Oh, I will!" Usopp nodded enthusiastically, hugging his purchase. Seeing as he didn't have any money left, Usopp made his way through the streets and back to the harbor where the Sunny was docked. Chopper peeped over the railing when he heard Usopp approaching and waved.

"Why are you back so early?" Chopper asked. Usopp held out the basket of peaches.

"Try one!"

Chopper carefully picked one of the peaches out and sniffed it. He took a small bite and chewed slowly.

"It's sweet." Chopper nodded. Suddenly, his eyes bulged out and he began to roll around the deck, giggling hysterically. "U-Usopp! Ha ha haha! What- hah- are those?"

"I have no idea!" Usopp said cheerfully. "This guy was selling these; he called them Laughing Fruit."

"Like a Devil Fruit?" Chopper asked in alarm.

"Hardly." Usopp pointed to the peach Chopper was still holding. "Think of all the possible pranks we could pull off with these!"

"W-we?" Chopper's eyes sparkled and he clutched the peach reverently to his chest, getting his fur sticky with the juice.

"Of course! The Great Captain Usopp always needs an assistant!" Usopp patted Chopper's hat. "Come on! Let's see what we could do in the galley…"

-X-

"Sanji-kun, can I have another smoothie?" Nami called, holding up her empty glass. Sanji was by her side in a split second.

"Of course! And you, Robin-chan?"

"Thank you, Cook-san."

Sanji smiled and took their empty glasses to the galley. His eyes swept across the fruit laid out on the counter and came upon two red peaches nestled in between a pineapple and three mangoes.

"Eh?" Sanji picked up the peaches. "I thought I bought white peaches…" A quick inspection told him they were ripe and sweet, so he shrugged and set to peeling them. In a couple minutes, the blender was whirring away and Sanji filled up the two glasses with the brightly colored drink, placing a paper umbrella and an orange wedge in each smoothie. Unknown to him, as he exited the galley, Usopp and Chopper were hiding behind a barrel, trying to muffle their expectant snickering. The two boys watched as Sanji placed the smoothies on the plastic table between Nami and Robin, bowed, and returned to the galley.

"Usopp!" Chopper suddenly gasped. "What if Nami beats us up later?"

"As long as she doesn't know who's behind it… heh heh." Usopp whispered. "Oh, shh! They're drinking it!"

"Mm, this is sweeter than the last one." Nami licked her lips and took another sip of the smoothie.

"Cook-san must have added another ingredient." Robin said. Usopp's face fell when they put down the glasses and resumed reading their magazines in the shade.

"Do you think Sanji didn't put the Laughing Fruit in?" Chopper asked, looking quite disappointed.

"Well, it's okay." Usopp patted Chopper's back. "We can give some to Zoro-"

"Ahahaha!" Nami burst out laughing out of nowhere and clapped a hand over her mouth, startled. "What- ahahaha!"

"Nami-" Robin covered her mouth just in time and her shoulders began to tremble as she laughed silently.

"What- hahaha! What the he- hahaha- hell?" It was an odd sight, to see Nami pissed off yet laughing simultaneously. Usopp and Chopper struggled to keep their own laughter in. "SANJI- hahaha! SANJI-KUN!"

"Yeeess?" Sanji appeared by the girls. "Nami-san, what's funny?"

"I DON'T- HAHAH- KNOW!" Nami shouted.

Sanji took notice of Robin, who had doubled over. "Robin-chan! What's going on?"

"Ha- oh dear." Robin giggled. "Ha- maybe it was in- haha- in the smoothies?"

"Eh?" Sanji picked up one of the glasses and took a drink from it. Almost immediately, he fell on the deck and began to guffaw loudly. "YAAAHAHAHAHA!"

"This is brilliant, Usopp!" Chopper giggled behind his hooves.

"It was totally worth all my allowance!" Usopp grinned. He began to crawl away and motioned for Chopper to follow him. "Come on; let's go see how Zoro will react!"

-X-

By the time the effects of whatever had caused them to laugh had worn off about a couple minutes later, the three pirates were too out of breath to speak properly.

"Ow… my side hurts…" Nami groaned, holding her ribs.

"What _happened_?" Sanji wondered out loud, rubbing his head.

"I'm certain it was something in the smoothies." Robin said, picking up her glass and holding it out for Sanji to inspect. He poked around in it with a straw and fished up a small chunk of peach. Carefully, he picked it out with his fingers and ate it.

"YAHA!" Sanji let out a short bark of a laugh. His eye lit up. "Those red peaches!" He ran to the boys' cabin. Nami and Robin glanced at each other, shrugged, and went after him. Sanji was rummaging around Usopp's bed.

"Call it a hunch… ha!" Sanji reached underneath the bed and pulled out a basket of red peaches. "I should have guessed it was him."

"I'm going to have to increase his debt." Nami growled.

"Increase what debt- OH CRAP!" Usopp stood in the doorway, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. "Those aren't mine!"

"I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!" Sanji roared, sprinting after Usopp as he fled. Chopper timidly peered around the doorframe and yelped when he saw Nami and Robin staring at him. He leapt to the side and hid the wrong way.

"Chopper." Nami sighed. "We can see you."

"N-no you can't!"

Two hands sprouted above Chopper and plucked him up, setting him in plain view. He rubbed at the floor with his feet and looked down. "It was Usopp's idea, really."

"That's alright. It was a funny joke." Robin smiled brightly and rubbed his head. Chopper giggled and hid his face behind his hooves.

"Funny?" Nami repeated indignantly.

"Wasn't it?"

Nami huffed and crossed her arms. "Okay, I guess so."

-X-

"DON'T KILL ME!" Usopp shrieked. Sanji had cornered him in the aquarium bar and was still holding the basket of peaches, which had miraculously retained all its contents during the chase.

"Why'd you give these to Nami-san and Robin-chan, eh?" Sanji scowled, taking a step forward.

"Well- ah, the galley, uh, seemed like the best place to put these, so…" Usopp decided to take a chance. "I was _planning _to give a few to Zoro after, you know…"

"Hm." Sanji's expression softened and he rubbed his chin. "Not a bad idea."

-X-

"WAAAHAHAHA! WHAT THE HELL? AHAHAHA!" Zoro rolled around the floor of the observation deck, a half-eaten peach lying not far from him.

* * *

So it wasn't until _after _I posted this in the comm that a couple people sketched out scenarios that would have been ten times funnier. I was debating over whether I should've rewritten this one (because personally, I think this is one of my worst ones) but I decided to leave the original to see how people groan and throw things at me for my pathetic attempt at humor.

Thought of the day: Do you think Luffy really should go out the same way Gol D. Roger did, with a public execution, the One Piece speech, and a new Era?  
(Personally, I hope he doesn't split up the crew after completing their dreams and decides to turn himself in to the Marines. That would be... un-Luffy-like, imo.)


	18. Beginnings

*falls over*

* * *

**Title: **Their Fight, Not His  
**Theme: **Beginning  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **353  
**Rating: **T  
**Warnings: **Nada.  
Since the last one was one of my later ones, this is the third one I've written, I think.

* * *

Sanji was trying his best not to shout out to the sky in frustration and yank at his hair. He had tried so hard, _so _hard to protect them.

Robin was helping Nami up, who was badly bruised and sported a nasty cut above her eye. One of Robin's arms was hanging limply at her side and her ankle was twisted at a grotesque angle.

Sanji had tried so hard. But he was too late this time.

"I should have gotten here sooner, I could have-" Sanji gulped, avoiding Nami and Robins' eyes. To his surprise, they laughed gently despite their wounds.

"It was a fun fight." Nami lightly said.

"I haven't had this much excitement in a while." Robin smiled, blood running down her cheek.

"But you're hurt…" Sanji said.

"Sanji-kun, it's okay. We can take care of ourselves. We beat him, right?" Nami pointed to the unconscious lump of muscle and meat and iron, a pirate the size of a small mountain. "It took some time, but we did it."

"You're hurt!" Sanji repeated.

"Cook-san." Robin said. "Maybe it's time you realize we don't always need to be protected."

Sanji chewed on his cigarette. He certainly knew that Nami and Robin could hold their own, that they could probably handle an entire ship of bounty hunters by themselves. But he just _hated _having to see them fight against brutes- like the one they had just face- and watch them get hurt.

"Really, Sanji-kun! It's not that bad!" Nami insisted. "You and Zoro and Luffy and- hell, the entire crew, we've all faced worse…"

"It doesn't mean I don't care."

"We _know _you care." Nami said. "But we hate it when you, or anyone for that matter, get hurt, but we don't freak out and cry about it. You should learn from us. Let us fight our own fights. Suffer our own wounds. Carry our own scars."

Sanji silently stepped over the defeated pirate offered his shoulder for Robin to lean on. Nami grinned brightly at him, despite her many bruises, and the three began the long walk back to the ship.

* * *

Thought of the day: Do you think that the Strawhats really should get their tenth member any time soon? After all, Brook just joined a couple arcs ago.


	19. Defeat

Soul Eater is devouring my brain, which is probably the real reason why I haven't been writing anything lately.  
(Oh, and male!Blair is the hottest thing EVER... sexier than Zoro or Sanji or Ace. HAHAHA- I'm so weird.) -_-

* * *

**Title: **Check and Mate  
**Theme: **Defeat  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **180  
**Rating: **K+  
**Warnings: **Inspired by a picture by the talented Sybile~

* * *

Nami concentrated hard, staring at the chess pieces scattered on the board. She hesitantly moved her knight and waited for Robin to make her move.

"Checkmate." Robin serenely said.

"That's my fifth loss. I give up." Nami threw up her hands. Sanji passed by the open door of the aquarium bar and noticed their game.

"Nami-san, Robin-chan, may I play?" Sanji asked, eyeing the board.

"Go ahead." Nami scraped her chair back to let Sanji sit down. She leaned back in a third chair as she watched Sanji and Robin's game tick by, minute by minute. Just as she was on the verge of slumber, the game ended.

"Checkmate." Sanji said, knocking the black queen over. He suddenly realized that he beat Robin, _Robin-chan_, the smart, eloquent, intelligent _Robin-chan_ in chess. "I-I'm sorry!"

"What are you sorry for? That was a good game." Robin smiled cheerfully. "Cook-san, may I have another mug of coffee?"

"Right away!" Sanji whisked away to the galley. Nami snorted in disbelief.

"You let him win, right?" Nami asked. Robin merely smiled again.

"Maybe, maybe not..."

* * *

Thought of the day: Maybe you've seen this meme before, but of the entire One Piece cast, who would you marry, screw, and kill? (Pick 3 and make it creative, don't choose the obvious! Think of the others like Gaimon, Sarquiss, Wiper, Keimi, Arlong, Gin, Kuro, Bellemere, Kokoro, Kalifa, and so many more!) X3


	20. Sword

I'm slightly disappointed by the meme responses. Not that they're bad, it's just they're not what I was hoping for. -_-'  
So here's my response, by completely random characters regardless of gender or species.  
Marry: Usopp. Did you know that in an interview, Robin's seiyuu (Yuriko Yamaguchi) said that she thinks Usopp would make the best husband? But since Usopp is one of the main cast (even though he's underappreciated...) I'll go with Hatchan, because he's such a dorky sweetheart.  
Screw: male!Blair... I mean, uh, Hina-wait...NO! Coby, _that's _who I meant. Still, you can't deny HinaxRobin would be the kinkiest crack pairing out there. XD  
Kill: Mr. 1. He's okay in terms of character design, but his personality is rather dull (no pun intended).

* * *

**Title: **The Shitty Sword in the Shitty Stone  
**Theme: **Sword  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **996  
**Rating: **K+  
**Warnings: **Based very, very loosely off the Sword in the Stone, because I can't remember most of the original story and that wouldn't be as fun. :x

* * *

"Look at this." Robin put down her knapsack and knelt down to examine the four-foot tall boulder, paying no mind to the gleaming sword impaled halfway through the top. "It's nearly indecipherable."

"What's a good sword doing here?" Zoro glanced around, but no telltale signs of human life were visible in the surrounding woods. The rest of the crew eventually made their way to Robin and Zoro when they realized they weren't following them anymore.

"Eh? What's that?" Sanji leaned in closer, careful not to get any ashes from his cigarette on Robin.

"A sword in a rock, obviously." Zoro rolled his eyes.

"It looks pretty valuable!" Nami grinned, running her hand over the colorful jewels embedded in the gold hilt. "We should take it!"

"I still can't read it…" Robin muttered. Nami tugged on the sword, but it hardly budged. She frowned and yanked it harder, but only fell back into Franky.

"Whoa, Girlie. Let me handle it." Franky cracked his knuckles and was about to pull on the sword when Robin stopped him.

"I don't think you can." She squinted at the weathered patterns in the stone. "Strange…"

"Too bad. I don't believe in stupid curses like that." Zoro pushed Franky aside and wrapped his hands around the hilt. He planted a boot on the rock and pulled, his muscles visibly straining. The sword didn't move. Zoro's brow furrowed. "What the-"

"Let me try!" Usopp nudged Zoro away. His face turned purple with the effort of attempting to remove the sword from the stone's tight hold. Nami watched on impatiently as Usopp got Chopper and Luffy to help. Even with Chopper's Heavy Point and Luffy's inhuman strength, the sword still refused to pop out.

"This is stupid! I'll just break the rock. Gomu Gomu no Pistol!"

"SHIT!" Sanji yelled out when Luffy's fist rocketed off the stone's rough surface and rebounded right into his face. "That hurt, idiot!"

"Wasn't my fault, I swear!" Luffy said in protest.

"Coward!" Usopp shouted at the silent rock. "Obviously Captain Usopp's incredible strength was too much for you to handle!"

"But you didn't get it out, Usopp…" Chopper timidly said.

"W-well, of course not! I wasn't even giving one percent." Usopp examined his nails, grinning smugly.

"Wow! You're so humble!" Chopper said in amazement.

Robin took no notice of the commotion. She was still scanning the faded engravings, muttering under her breath.

"Allow me to give a try." Brook stepped up and shook his arms out, making a loud rattling sound. The rest of the crew watched expectantly as Brook pulled with all his might. Their faces fell when Brook's skeletal hands slipped off the hilt and he stumbled backward.

"Watch it, moron! You almost stepped on Robin-chan!" Sanji smacked Brook, making him laugh dazedly. "Don't worry Nami-san, I'll get the sword for you!"

"If I can't take it out, then you obviously can't." Zoro scoffed.

"You saying I'm _weaker _than you, marimo?"

"Go on, then." Zoro nodded to the sword that was still defiantly stuck in the rock. Sanji ground his cigarette into the grass with his heel. He backed off a good distance and dashed forward. At the last second he flipped backwards, a powerful kick aimed for the handguard of the sword. Admittedly, it was a good idea- obviously Sanji's arm strength wouldn't do the job, so perhaps his monstrous leg power could accomplish the goal.

The toe of his shoe collided with the gleaming metal and he fell on his back with a loud thump. Sanji groaned and rubbed his head.

"Why don't we just take the sword _and _the rock?" Nami reasoned, still eyeing the jewels.

"We could." Franky shrugged. Just as he was about to heave the stone off the ground, Robin stood up. Franky paused and took a step back.

"I'd like to have my turn, now." She smiled.

"Robin-chan, I could try again for you-"

She held up a hand, still smiling. Sanji fell quiet and the crew watched expectantly as she lightly encircled the sword hilt with one hand.

Robin didn't move a muscle, yet the blade suddenly disintegrated into a fine powder, blowing away. All that was left was the hilt in Robin's hand.

Nami fell to her knees and cried in frustration. Sanji was immediately at her side, trying to soothe her.

"What the _hell _did you do?" Zoro shouted, clearly pissed off that Robin had inexplicably destroyed the almost-good-as-new sword.

"That was my intention." Robin said, rolling the hilt between her palms. She pointed to the etching on the stone. "The blade was worthless, but the hilt is beyond valuable. The only way to extract the sword was to destroy it."

"Beyond valuable?" Nami suddenly perked up.

"How did you manage to do that, Robin-chan?" Sanji asked, looking almost ashamed that he wasn't even able to crack the sword with his kick.

"I have no idea." Robin shrugged, smiling brightly.

"WHERE'S THE LOGIC IN THAT?" Zoro yelled. He crossed his arms and huffed. "I loosened it."

"Who cares? The hilt can probably earn me thousands by the looks of those jewels!" Nami grinned, sidling up beside Robin.

Without warning, the piece in Robin's hand burst into shimmery dust.

"My bad. I think." Robin said lightly. Nami fell over and wailed in despair.

"Look on the bright side! We got a really cool rock!" Luffy picked up the stone- now with a deep indentation it in- and tossed it to Usopp. "Catch!"

"GAH!" Usopp wheezed as the large rock knocked him over. "Luffy you idiot!"

"Hee! I'm keeping it in our cabin!" Luffy grabbed the boulder from Usopp and wrapped his arms all around it.

"Hmph. This whole incident was utterly stupid." Zoro muttered.

"More like weird…" Chopper said, trotting after him. The crew continued marching through the woods, Luffy grinning over his new rock and Sanji praising Robin over her apparent ability to turn things into dust by contact.

Nami continued to sulk the entire way.

* * *

Thought of the week: of all the Strawhats, who do you want to see more (solo) battles from, and why?


	21. Ship: AU

I'm late in updating! Oh noes! D:  
In response to my own thought of the day (which I accidentally called thought of the _week) _I say Robin needs more fights. She's only had TWO solo fights in the entire series so far, and I don't think vs Pell counted that much since it was primarily to demonstrate her powers and Pell didn't even stand a chance.

* * *

**Title: **How the Strawhats got a Boat  
**Theme: **Ship  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **509  
**Rating: **K+  
**Warnings: **AU. Awful… it's just… awful. I should have started these earlier. ;_;

* * *

Normally, Sanji wouldn't have been able to afford such luxuries. But, seeing as it was summer vacation and Zeff had given him a raise (not that much of a difference, but it was pretty nice of the old geezer to do that), Sanji decided to treat himself.

It was customary for their mismatched group of nine to go down to the house by Lake Blue for a couple weeks each summer. Franky had built it himself on the bit of land he bought and cleared out the old road so his loud (both auditory and color-wise) van could make its way down. The town on the other side of the lake had plenty of tourist-attracting stores that rented out boats, fishing rods, and the sorts. None of the nine had ever paid much attention to the rental stores since Franky built his own things, but Sanji was always eyeing the yacht rental. Yachts, after all, were sleek, classy, and swift- just like himself.

So Sanji told Franky that he'd be heading down to the lake a day before the rest of the group went. No one thought much of it and continued packing their own things.

The next day, the small group arrived at Franky's lake house to see Sanji lounging on a yacht drifting on the lake. He looked up and lifted his sunglasses, waving.

"Naaaami! Rooooobin!" he called. "Look, I'm on a yacht!"

"Bro, you rented a yacht? But I could just build you one!" Franky shouted out to him.

"What a loser." Zoro shook his head, heading inside with the bags. He only paused to help Chopper with his heavy duffel bag.

"A yacht! Sanji got a yacht!" Luffy danced around in the gravel.

"Psh. Did I tell you about the time I had a _submarine_?" Usopp enunciated. "It was pretty sweet. Then it blew up from an enemy missile."

"Whoa! It did?"

"Yeah, but it's cool." Usopp said casually. "The sub was pretty leaky, anyways."

"Naaaami! Roooobin!" Sanji steered the yacht to the dock. "Come join me on my love yacht!"

"THAT'S SO STUPID!" Zoro shouted out the back window.

"WHO ASKED YOU?"

"My god…" Nami slapped her forehead. "Sanji! Stop yelling! The town can probably hear you!"

"Sanji, may I come aboard?" Brook asked.

"Eh… sure. Nami, Robin, what do you think?" Sanji grinned, standing at the front of the yacht.

"How much did you rent that for?" Robin asked, examining the hull.

"About a thousand dollars a day. Why do you ask?"

The yacht suddenly let out a metallic burp and began to sink.

"That's why." Robin nodded.

"YOU WASTED SO MUCH MONEY!" Nami screamed.

"I'm sorry!" Sanji cried out as he leapt for the dock, landing on his knees. "I had no idea it was such a shitty yacht!"

"Now you know." Robin said gravely.

"I _told _you, I could just build an even better yacht! You know what, screw it, I'm going to build one anyways." Franky said.

And that was how the nine of them got their own personal boat.

* * *

Thought of the day: Do you think romance can actually work in One Piece if Oda tried? Why or why not? (And not in the comical one-sided way, like with Hancock)


	22. Slingshot

If anyone here in interested, I wrote a couple One PiecexSoul Eater crossovers which are posted at my Livejournal.  
No, they're not one of those "Strawhats fall through a dimensional portal" fics. So if you're not familiar with the Soul Eater universe, you may not be able to understand some of it. :/

* * *

**Title: **Damn Kids and Fruit Pits  
**Theme: **Slingshot  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **552  
**Rating: **K+  
**Warnings: **Sanji goes protector-mode on a bunch of kids. Wah- psh, _no, _he's not trying to protect the _kids._

So I was browsing through my earlier fics at 30_onepiece, and I realized I haven't posted a couple of the fics in my first ten. /O/  
That would explain the lack of detail in this one, as well as the shortness.

* * *

The little town was nice, because no one gave a second glance to the internationally wanted pirates. It was a pleasant change to be able to walk around without having to be on the alert all the time.

"We still need more flour, right?" Nami asked, checking over the list. Sanji was happily walking behind Nami and Robin, carrying bags and boxes of supplies on his back.

"Yes. Captain-san tried to make a snowman out of our remaining flour." Robin nodded.

"Right. That idiot…" Nami sighed.

"Nami-swan, Robin-chwan! I see a café over there; shall we stop for a drink?" Sanji asked, sweating slightly underneath his load.

"Sure, why not?" Nami shrugged. She claimed a table outside the café and Sanji carefully put down their purchases.

"Coffee for the both of you?" Sanji asked, pulling some beri out of his pocket. Nami and Robin nodded and thanked him and Sanji went inside.

"This place is pretty peaceful." Nami commented, leaning back in her chair.

"The people don't seem to mind pirates." Robin said. While they both waited for Sanji to return with their drinks, a small group of children ran by.

"HEY! HEY! AAH! DON'T AIM AT ME! AAH! HEY!" the kids shrieked with delight, apparently playing some sort of game. One of the boys had a plastic slingshot which he was using to fire moist fruit pits at his friends.

"They're like little Luffys and Usopps." Nami said, watching the children weave through the café tables. Some other customers were scowling at the childrens' rambunctious activities.

"Nami-san, Robin-chan." Sanji came back outside and set cups of coffee before them. "Forgive me if the quality is terrible- I offered to use my own recipe, but the shitty cashier wouldn't let me behind the counter."

"That's quite alright, thank you." Robin smiled.

"Ow." Nami muttered as one of the pits hit her in the side of the head when the boy with the slingshot aimed a bit too high. Sanji stood up.

"Oi! Go play somewhere else!" Sanji ordered.

"Make me, old man." The little boy stuck his tongue out. The other children gathered behind him and made faces at Sanji.

"Who're you calling old man, brat?" Sanji growled. Nami put a hand on his arm.

"Calm down, Sanji-kun, they're just kids." Nami said.

"Kids that hit you with a shitty peach pit!" Sanji said, scowling at the boy. The boy blew a raspberry at Sanji and armed himself with another seed.

"Don't you-" Sanji began before he was hit right on the forehead with a pit. "Shit! You stupid-"

"Are you really going to argue with children, Cook-san?" Robin asked, hiding an amused smile behind her cup of coffee.

Sanji muttered under his breath and sat back down. "Of course not, Robin-chan."

"Nyeh nyenye ngyeh!" the boy taunted. He began to prepare his slingshot again when an arm sprouted from his chest, grabbed the slingshot, and flung it onto the roof of the café. The children began to scream when the hand pinched the boy's lips together, muffling his own screams.

"Children shouldn't misbehave themselves like that." Robin smiled.

"You're such a hypocrite, Robin." Nami sighed as the arm disappeared and the children fled around the corner, shrieking. The other people around them discreetly moved seats to get away from the trio.

* * *

Thought of the day: Do you think any of the Strawhats aside from Luffy should get haki? Who, and why?  
(don't say Zoro, I already know a lot of people think he has haki. -_-)


	23. Sheep

Sorry for the somewhat late update.  
Guess who's been neglecting to start on set 4? -_-

**

* * *

**

**Title: **Sleep  
**Theme: **Sheep  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **403  
**Rating: **K+  
**Warnings: **Suggesting NamixSanjixRobin, but it still can be interpreted as nakamaship. What? I felt like it… oh, and some _veeery _slight angst and hurt/comfort stuff. Honestly, I was just babbling.

Oh look, it's another one of the firsts...

* * *

Robin stared up at the night sky, huddled beneath a thin blanket. An empty mug was lying on its side on the ground beside her and Zoro's snores up in the observation deck carried through the chilly air. It was nights like these when Robin couldn't sleep that helped her think more clearly.

But when could she sleep, when the fear of not knowing _what _she was afraid of continued to eat at her mind? It was that fear, which Robin had been so familiar with, that kept her awake. Crazy. She didn't even know what she was afraid of. Had she not found her nakama and a safe place to call home? So _why_? Why was she still afraid?

"It's cold outside. What are you doing out here?" Nami appeared in the darkness beside Robin, interrupting her train of thought.

"I couldn't sleep."

"Have you tried counting sheep?" Nami sat down beside Robin and pulled the blanket over herself, quickly warming both of them with her body heat.

Robin made a face. "I don't believe in arbitrary things like that."

"You never know." Nami smiled. "Here. One sheep. Two sheep. Three sheep. Four sheep. Are you counting?"

"Nami-san? Robin-chan?" Sanji popped out of the darkness with a candle in his hand, making his skin appear orange. In his other hand was a neatly folded blanket. "It's freezing, so I thought you'd like this…"

Nami yanked Sanji down and spread the blanket over the three of them, Robin sandwiched between them. Sanji's face turned red, but it hardly changed colors in the glow of the candle.

"N-Na-"

"Robin refuses to go to sleep, so we're just going to sit here until she does." Nami said.

"I never said I didn't _want _to sleep." Robin said. Nami looped her arms around her to pull Sanji in closer, making him stutter uncontrollably.

"Sleep, Robin. _Sleep_." Nami murmured into her shoulder. Sanji managed to even out his breathing again, though his heart was still racing, and hesitantly put an arm around them as if to wait for Nami's reaction.

"I guess I could." Robin whispered, her smile invisible in the dark. The candle died down to a flicker, and then it was snuffed out completely by a chilly breeze that blew by.

Nami sighed contentedly and Sanji closed his eyes, leaning against Robin. And Robin forgot that she was afraid.

"One sheep, two sheep, three sheep…"

* * *

Thought of the day: which mangaka do you want Oda to do a crossover with? (such as Toriyama, who collabed with Oda on Cross Epoch)


	24. Clown

Two more Soul EaterxOne Piece crossovers are up on my Livejournal! As of now, I support BlairxZoro just 'cuz. xP

**

* * *

**

**Title: **Magic Show (_what a creative title, amirite?)_  
**Theme: **Clown  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **603  
**Rating: **K+  
**Warnings: **Sanji rambles a bit in the beginning. Monologue?

* * *

"I never liked clowns." Sanji said. "Their shitty laughter is so damn _irritating_ and their jokes aren't even funny."

"I remember this one time a clown came to the Baratie." Sanji continued as the curtains slowly began to draw apart and a spotlight swerved around the stage. "He was ugly beyond sin. I have no idea what a clown was doing in the middle of the ocean, but that's not the point. Fuck, he was just plain _creepy_. I was just a kid then, so I guess that's what made him approach me."

A loud voice boomed over the intercom, but Sanji continued speaking. "That clown, he tried to make me laugh. Juggled, made ugly faces, blew up balloons, the works. Even squirted me with a goddamn flower, which got me pretty pissed. Zeff was busy in the back of the kitchen and I was peeling carrots and potatoes outside so he didn't know what was going on."

The audience laughed as a fat clown wobbled onstage, his face brightly painted and his hair obviously artificial. More of his brethren followed him shortly. Sanji shuddered. "I lost my temper, I think. The clown was getting pretty damn annoying, and then he tried to touch my eyebrow and make a joke about it. So my natural reaction was to kick the shit out of him. That's what I did. It felt pretty good kicking his shitty face into the deck even though I scared a few customers away and Zeff chewed me out later."

The clowns on the stage tripped and smacked each other with balloon bats and generally made fools out of themselves, generating laughter from the audience. Eventually, to Sanji's relief, they stumbled and rolled their way offstage to make way for a magician in a crisp black suit and white gloves.

"But still, it kind of stuck with me. I _hate _clowns. Circuses too, I guess."

"_I NEED TWO AUDIENCE MEMBERS, PLEASE_!" the magician boomed. Luffy and Usopp were immediately leaping up and down in their seats, shouting loudly. Without warning, the searchlight landed right on Nami and Robin. Luffy and Usopp groaned and slumped back down in their seats.

"_HOW ABOUT YOU TWO LOVELY LADIES?_"

"They didn't even volunteer!" Sanji shouted. Robin rested a hand on his shoulder and smiled, standing up.

"It's okay. It looks like fun, anyways." Nami shrugged, following Robin down the stairs. They made their way up the stage and Franky and Brook began to cheer loudly. The magician went with the obvious procedure (names, hometowns, directions for the tricks, etc) and motioned for two coffin-sized boxes to be wheeled onstage.

"What lovely pieces." Brook murmured, eyeing the boxes. The magician directed Nami and Robin to lay in each box so their heads and feet were sticking out from the ends. Sanji's eye widened in horror when the gloved man whipped out a large, jagged saw.

"_I WILL CUT THESE TWO WOMEN IN HALF AND-"_

"LIKE HELL YOU WILL, BASTARD!" Sanji charged to the stage, leapt up, and roundhouse-kicked the magician. He opened the boxes and gently helped Nami and Robin as the audience booed.

"Sanji-kun, it's just a magic trick! He isn't _actually _going to cut us in half!" Nami said angrily.

"I think you may have seriously injured him." Robin calmly said, looking over to the magician's limp form on the ground.

"This is so embarrassing." Nami muttered, covering her face with her hands.

"Maybe I forgot to mention that I hate magicians, too?" Sanji sheepishly rubbed the back of his head as the audience began to throw their snacks and beverages at him.

* * *

Thought of the day: Would you consider characters like Blackbeard and Spandam villains? After all, from a different perspective, they could be the good guys for all you know.


	25. Barrel

SDFASDFJDAS I just found out that Stephanie Young, who voices for Robin, also voices for Arachne! It's so awesome hearing Robin all evil and villainy! *A*  
(In case you couldn't tell, I'm talking about the Funimation dub :P)

* * *

**Title: **Worms!  
**Theme: **Barrel  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **522  
**Rating: **K+  
**Warnings: **Random is random.

* * *

Sanji gulped uneasily and glanced behind him. No one was there, but he couldn't help but feel that someone was watching him. Nonsense; if there was, he'd _know_.

He nearly gagged again when he again glanced at the barrel crawling with worms and other insects. It was beyond him how the barrel of flour had suddenly become infested overnight. Besides, the other barrels were perfectly fine; maybe it was a crack in the seal or something.

One thing was for certain. Nami-san couldn't know about this, or else she'd be pissed off that an entire barrel had been wasted. Sanji felt like hitting himself. _He _was the cook, the one in store of their food. It was _his _fault for letting such a stupid thing occur. Maybe later at night when everyone else would be asleep he would dispose of the worms into the sea. With one final gag, Sanji firmly pressed the lid down on the worms, hiding them from view.

-X-

Robin searched through the barrels and crates, searching for the box of coffee she had purchased at their last stop. It was probably in between the frozen fruits and the barrels of cola…

Robin froze when she heard a distinct squishy sound to her right. She approached the barrel from where it came from and pried off the lid.

If she were of the easily startled type, she probably would have screamed hysterically and ran out of the storage room as if she was on fire. But, Robin wasn't like that, so she simply stared at the worms squirming in the barrel.

Robin replaced the lid and exited, the coffee forgotten. She had an intuition that Sanji, who was in charge of the food stock, wouldn't want anyone else to know. Oh well- it would have made an excellent horror story. Worms crawling everywhere, eating away at the helpless victims soles… fun stuff.

-X-

"KYAAAH!" Nami shrieked when she opened the door of her cabin to see Sanji dumping worms overboard. "Sanji-kun, what are those?"

"N-Nami-san!" Sanji let go of the barrel and it fell into the water with a splash. "Shit! The barrel!"

"Why are you up so late? It's Franky's shift!" Nami eyed him suspiciously.

"I was… getting rid of the worms." Sanji said.

"What worms?"

"One of the barrels of flours got infested. I don't know how." He said miserably.

"What about the rest of our food?" Nami asked in alarm. "The next island is far-"

"The rest of it is fine!" Sanji quickly said. "It was just that one barrel, I promise!"

"Well… in the morning, I'll get the whole crew to inspect the storage room. Just to be safe." Nami sighed. "Thanks for telling me, Sanji-kun."

"You're not mad?"

"Of course not. If you kept the worms aboard, that'd be a whole different story." Nami smiled weakly.

"Thank you for being so understanding, Nami-san!"

The eye and ear on the mast vanished. Robin chuckled and put her book down. Maybe she'd get to tell her horror story after all.

People screaming, worms crawling everywhere, eating through flesh and bone and burrowing into brains… yes…

* * *

Thought of the day: who do you consider is the most (or one of the most) overrated One Piece character and why? (As in, you don't think they deserve their popularity).


	26. Vegetables

Sorry I couldn't reply to any reviews! Yesterday was busy and stuff. -3-

* * *

**Title: **Trollin'  
**Theme** Vegetables  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **555  
**Rating: **K+ or T for some cussing  
**Warnings: **I was planning to make it at least 1000 words, but the time limit was screaming in my face.

* * *

Sanji grinned and examined the large red carrot, gripping its leaves tightly. It was an incredibly rare breed of vegetable- a hybrid of some sorts. The name escaped him, but it didn't matter since he now had it. Sanji had seen it only once before back on the Baratie, when Zeff had shown him the same red carrot that a customer had brought and ordered for it to be made into a meal. The cook recalled all the chefs staring at it in awe and the customer paying a handsome price.

"This is pretty damn awesome." Sanji muttered. Just as he was about to walk back down the barren hill, something kicked him hard in the shin.

"Ow! What the-" Sanji looked down to see a small lumpy creature glaring up at him. It kicked him again and held up one clawed hand.

"Give it back, fool." The thing said in a gruff voice.

"What? This?" Sanji held up the red carrot.

"It's mine. I found it after you did, fool."

"THAT'S STUPID LOGIC!" Sanji yelled. He tried to boot the thing away but it easily dodged his kick.

"I want it. Give it here, fool." The thing, which Sanji decided was a troll, said.

"No." Sanji scowled. He began to walk away when the troll bit his leg, drawing blood. "SHIT!" The carrot slipped from his grip.

Before Sanji could pick up the vegetable, the troll swiftly snatched it and backed away, avoiding all of Sanji's kicks. "It's mine now, fool."

"I found it first, you idiot!" Sanji shouted. "So give it back to me!"

"Hm. Tell you what, fool. I'll let you have it, but you have to find me." The troll said.

"Hide-and-seek?" Sanji asked incredulously.

"Yup." The troll grinned.

"Hm…"

"Sanji-kun? Are you up here?" Nami called from somewhere. Sanji gasped and smiled.

"Nami-swaaan! Over here!"

"Oi, oi, what are you doing, fool?" the troll waved his stubby arms. Before he could tell Sanji not to bring anyone else over, Nami and Robin appeared. They both warily eyed the little creature and looked at Sanji questioningly. He sighed.

"Long story short, I found a red carrot, the troll stole it, and now he wants to play a game for it."

"Ew, it's ugly!" Nami wrinkled her nose.

"Shut up, fool!"

"DON'T INSULT NAMI-SAN!" Sanji roared. "So you were saying before, if I win in a game of hide-and-seek, you'll give me the red carrot?"

"Yep." The troll nodded, holding the vegetable behind his back.

"Cook-san." Robin shook her head. "You should know better than to trust such odd beings. Seis fleur!"

The troll yelped as six arms grabbed hold of it, catching it by surprise. One of them wrenched the carrot away from its grip.

"Clutch!"

The three of them stared at the broken form of the troll. Robin's duplicate arm tossed the vegetable to Sanji and vanished along with the other five.

"… That's one way to handle things." Nami said slowly. "Kill it."

"You're so clever, Robin-chan! It would have been a pain in the ass to play a shitty game with that thing." Sanji said, cradling the red carrot in his palms.

"It was no trouble. Shall we return to the ship?" Robin began to head down the hill.

"Okaaay!~"

"That's always your solution, Robin… _kill_ it… sheesh."

* * *

Thought of the day: What kind of omake do _you _want to see Oda make next?  
(For me, it's either genderbent!Strawhats or animal!Strawhats)


	27. Friendship

HOLY FUCK GAIZ MANGASTREAM GET THERE NOW!

* * *

**Title: **Just Friends  
**Theme: **Friendship  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **192 (GAAAH)  
**Rating: **K+  
**Warnings: **Written in two minutes during that mad rush. More simple fluff and whatnot-

* * *

Sanji sometimes contemplated on what his life would be like if Nami-san or Robin-chan truly loved him back. It would be shitty awesome, for sure, but when he really looked at the scenario properly, he realized it wouldn't be entirely bliss.

For one thing, Nami-san would most likely be the possessive type and be upset whenever Sanji would flirt with other woman. Of course, Sanji was positive that Nami-san would understand that she was his only one, but he knew how temperamental she could be.

Robin-chan, on the other hand… Sanji hated to admit it, but he still hardly knew anything about her. He knew she was quiet, and studious, polite, patient, and intelligent, but on some gloomy days he'd still catch glimpses of the old mask she wore before Enies Lobby, and he realized he would have no idea how to deal with it all by himself.

To ease his mind, Sanji would turn to the good side of a relationship. There'd be candlelit dinners, cuddling, walks on the beach, love…

But for now, he'd cherish the friendship they had to the fullest and stop thinking about changing what they had.

* * *

Thought of the day: One Piece chapter 597! YOUR THOUGHTS! _I AM FREAKING OUT HERE! _Oda that magnificent bastard!


	28. Cook

Hey hey hey! Guess who kept neglecting to update! _Me_! \o/  
It really was a bad idea to post these out of order, because I can't remember which ones I posted and which ones I didn't. xI

* * *

**Title: **Steadfast  
**Theme: **Cook  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **738  
**Rating: **T  
**Warnings: **No humor in this one, sadly. I think. And some strongly vague SaNa (oxymoron, yay!).

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Sanji's leg connected with his opponent's forearm, the collision creating a dull shockwave. The other pirate attempted to land a blow in Sanji's gut, but his attack was blocked by the blonde's other foot. The two men leapt away from each other. Sanji was barely breathing hard, but the other man was sweating and a trickle of blood was making its way down his square face.

"You're a good fighter, Black Leg." he finally grinned. "I don't believe I introduced myself. My name is-"

"I don't give a shit." Sanji scowled. He took a step to his right to shield Nami and Robin from the pirate's view. "All that matters is you're a crude bastard who dared to try stealing from Nami-san and Robin-chan."

"Oh, no!" he laughed. "I don't mean to cause any more harm. You're a good fighter."

"You already said that."

"Exactly, which is why I'd like to offer you a position on my pirate crew!" he bellowed, grinning widely.

Sanji froze. Behind him, Nami rolled her eyes. The pirate took a cautious step back when Sanji's glare intensified to an expression of pure fury. "What kind of shitty idiot _are _you? I already have my own nakama!"

"From what I've heard, you're also a great cook." The man went on as if Sanji hadn't refused. "Kehaha, I can't remember the last time we had a decent-tasting meal!"

"You're an idiot to try taking Sanji-kun away from us." Nami spoke up. "What are you, brain-damaged?"

"Ah, that's right, you haven't met my crew yet, Black Leg!" the square-faced pirate said loudly, ignoring Nami. "They're somewhere here in the harbor. There they are. Oi, c'mere!"

Sanji's look of anger melted when about a dozen young women walked over to stand by the pirate. They all began to giggle and titter when Sanji's jaw fell slack and his eye bugged out, causing Nami to scoff and roll her eyes yet again. Robin's eyes narrowed and darted between the ogling Sanji and the group of beautiful women.

"So, how about it? Join my crew as our new cook, Black Leg!" the man shouted, grinning widely.

"Dah… uh…" Sanji seemed as if he was unable to hear him. He continued to stare at the women. A bit of drool began to gather on his lower lip.

"_SANJI-KUN!"_ Nami screamed, causing Robin to flinch slightly. "_WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"_

"SHITTY IDIOT!" Sanji suddenly snapped out of his trance and flew forward, violently kicking the pirate right in his face. The women scattered, shrieking. "I told you, I already have my own nakama!"

"Gah…" the pirate groaned weakly, his bloody face smashed in. Sanji nodded almost apologetically to the huddling women without raising his face to look at them and he returned to Nami and Robin.

"Let's go back to the Sunny." Sanji quietly said. They walked away, leaving the beaten pirate surrounded by his female crew.

"Sanji-kun, I can't believe you…!" Nami's face scrunched up and she grabbed his arm, digging her nails in.

"Nami-san!" he looked down at her in alarm.

"You really were about to consider his offer, weren't you!" Nami shouted. "Just because he had a bunch of whores on his side!"

"I-I would never-"

"Cook-san, we saw the way you were looking at them." Robin said, her expression cold and on the verge of anger.

"Robin-chan, you know I'd never leave you two!" Sanji said helplessly as tears gathered in the corner of Nami's eyes. "Or the other six morons! You're all my nakama!"

"You were _drooling_!" Nami shook him furiously. "You _hesitated_!"

"No, I… I did, didn't I…?" Sanji hung his head in disbelief. "I really did, didn't I?"

"You did." Robin nodded solemnly.

"I can't believe you." Nami pushed him away in disgust. "We all know you like women, but enough to go _that _far?"

Sanji halted in his tracks and grabbed Nami's shoulders. He swallowed and looked into her eyes. "I would _never _leave you, Nami-san." Sanji turned to Robin as well. "Or you, Robin-chan."

Nami bit her lip. "I was actually scared for that second, Sanji-kun. Don't do that again."

"I promise." Sanji nodded gravely. He gasped in surprise when Nami pulled him in for a hug for a split second. "M-Mellorine?"

"Yes, Mellorine." Nami laughed in exasperation. "Let's get going; everyone else is probably waiting for us."

"What an interesting day." Robin finally smiled for the first time, shaking her head.

* * *

Thought of the day: If each Strawhat was a genre (genre of literature, music, film, whatever you want) what would they be?


	29. Hunger

Whoa guys guess who became an RP geek in a few weeks. ME.  
(Oh, and sorry for not replying to any reviews. Shame on me. ;_;)

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* * *

**

**Title: **Charity for a Good Cause  
**Theme: **Hunger  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **1385  
**Rating: **K+ (does Sanji's cussing still count?)  
**Warnings: **Bad plot is bad.

* * *

Nami knew something odd had occurred when Robin emerged from the forest with a horde of half-naked people following her. They were tall- nearly as tall as Franky, in fact, and their skin was ruddy and weather-beaten. Nami groaned when she realized most of them were wearing loincloths (_"more like napkins")_ and poorly-cut animal skins.

"What, did they decide to become your fanclub or something?" Nami tapped her feet and crossed her arms. Under _no _circumstances would they allow those… people to come aboard.

"Hardly." Robin smiled patiently. One man with colorful tattoos stepped forward but halted when Robin held up a hand. "They attempted to sacrifice me to their gods, actually."

"And what, they suddenly decided _you _were godlier than whatever they were going to offer you to?" Nami shook her head. It was like a bad cliché out of an old myth.

"Hey, girlies- whoa." Franky began to climb up the ladder again when he turned around and saw the crowd of natives. "I don't want to know."

"Get Zoro and Luffy." Nami called. She turned back to Robin. "_No_, we can't keep them, _no, _you can't dissect them, _no_, you can't form your own cult. Does that answer your questions?"

The tattooed man attempted to move up again and Robin made a vague gesture with her hand. He grunted impatiently. Robin chuckled. "You know me so well."

"What the hell?" Zoro pulled out his sword as he landed on the sand beside them. "Did Robin annoy some native people or something?"

"Cooo-ool!" Luffy grinned, bouncing down. "A party!"

"Don't make such stupid assumptions, marimo!" Sanji attempted to kick Zoro down into the ground, but the marimo moved away just in time. He began to noodle around Nami. "Nami-san, you called~?"

"No, just for the captain and the swordsman, but sure." Nami rubbed her temples. "I don't know _why _and I don't want to know _how_, but Robin apparently has a whole army of savages under her command."

The tattooed man growled viciously and had to be held back by two of his equally-muscular companions.

"Careful, I wouldn't advise angering them." Robin warned.

"Eeh, sorry!" Nami laughed nervously, holding up her hands to show she meant no harm.

"No, they promised not to kill me as long as we satiate their hunger." Robin said.

"CANNIBALS?" Nami shrieked. Zoro's grip on his sword tightened and Luffy laid a hand on the top of his hat.

"Stupid pirate!" the man hissed.

"Their island was recently razed by a hurricane, actually." Robin said. "Their crops, livestock- _everything _was taken away from them, as well as nearly all of their population. They're going through some tough times. I was to be a sacrifice to appeal to their gods for some help, before I managed to negotiate with them."

It was only when Robin mentioned it when the four of them suddenly noticed how thin and bony the ruddy-skinned people were. Their thin animal furs looked worn out and old, not sloppily crafted, and their ribs and cheekbones were jutting out.

"Shit." Sanji said softly, lighting up a cigarette. He fearlessly approached the wary group of people and grinned. "Then we'll have a feast tonight, eh?"

"Idiot!" Zoro spat. "We only have enough supplies to last us until the next island, since _this _place doesn't have anything!"

"These guys are hungry, so we'll feed them. Even if it's not enough to feed _all _of them, none of them will be starving tonight." Sanji said resolutely.

"_Thank you_!" an old man bowed down to the ground. "We have few wild game we have managed to capture in the forest- nothing enough to feed the entire village- but- but we can-"

"Hey." Sanji motioned for the old man to stand up. "I'd kick your guys' asses since you tried to kill Robin-chan, but…" his eye widened in realization. "That's right! YOU SHITTY IDIOTS TRIED TO KILL ROBIN-CHAN!"

"Oi! Oi!" Zoro and Luffy grabbed Sanji's arms to prevent him from attacking the people.

After managing to calm Sanji down, the rest of the crew was gathered on the shore. The natives brought out what few meager birds and animals they hunted from the forest and quickly began to clear an area for a bonfire while the Strawhats gathered food from their own stock.

"I don't see why we can't just give them some crop seeds." Usopp huffed, straining with a barrel of flour. "We have plenty of seeds, but barely enough food."

"They're hungry. We can't just let them starve!" Sanji pushed him along, carrying an enormous basket of fruits and vegetables.

"That's so niiiice, Cook-bro!" Franky wailed.

Meanwhile, a small group of the natives had taken interest in Brook.

"Look! He was so hungry, he simply became bones with no skin!" a man pointed out.

"Waaah, what if we become like that as well?" another man ran his hands up and down his bony midriff.

"No, no, nothing like that would happen!" Brook reassured.

Sanji looked up as the sun began to creep towards the horizon. He lit up another cigarette and pointed Franky, who was carrying a bunch of frozen meat, to the pit where the food was being gathered.

"It's very kind of you to feed these hungry natives, Cook-san." Robin appeared beside him.

"Not as kind as you, Robin-chaaaan~!" Sanji wiggled.

"Imagine; if I didn't suggest feeding them, I would be lying on a stone table with my body cut open and my heart in a glass jar…" Robin smiled absentmindedly, wandering off to talk to one of the natives.

"I can't believe she's so casual about that." Nami shuddered.

"Nami-san, you're okay with all this, right? After this, we'll have to ration our meals in order to last until the next stop…" Sanji bit his lip. Nami laughed and patted his shoulder reassuringly.

"Sure. I mean, these guys might have a treasure to repay us with or something!" Nami's eyes sparkled.

The pit suddenly began to blaze with a fire once the last scrounged lump of charcoal had been dumped in it. Luffy danced beside it with a burnt out match in his fist, laughing along with several bony people.

"Here ya go, Cook-bro." Franky put down the barbecue grill in the sand. "Roast and barbecue tonight!"

"WAIT! I'M NOT FOOD! I'M NOT FOOD!" Chopper shouted in a panic, being carried toward the bonfire by a bulky man with his hair up in a swirly cone.

"Sure you are!" Luffy snatched Chopper out of the man's grasp, who grunted and lumbered back to get a more appropriate piece of food. "You're the emergency food supply, right Sanji?"

"Do you prefer to be roasted or grilled?" Sanji bent down to look Chopper in the eye. Chopper began to scream and wiggle in Luffy's arms.

"Don't scare him like that, Sanji-kun." Nami smiled, smacking him lightly on the arm.

"Whatever you say, Nami-san~!"

-X-

"They look really happy." Usopp commented, leaning over the railing. The people, who looked much more cheerful than they had during their appearance the day before, were happily cleaning up the site of the fire and whatever bones and pits that had been discarded in the sand. A line of women were marching back into the forest, carrying bags of crop seeds that the Strawhats managed to dig up from deep in their storage room as well as some rations Sanji had handed out.

"Of course. They won't starve anymore." Robin waved at the tattooed man. He put down the chicken leg he had been gnawing on and waved back, grinning widely.

"They still tried to sacrifice you." Sanji grumbled.

"I bear them no grudge." Robin shrugged. The ship lurched and they began to set sail. A few of the people stood up and shouted, waving and smiling brightly. "Besides, I'm sure they're very grateful for what we did."

"I'm grateful for the treasure!" Nami swooned, hugging a large gem that shone brightly in the sunlight.

"Man, that was an awesome party!" Luffy stumbled outside, patting his stomach.

"They tried to eat me." Chopper pouted.

"So what's for lunch?" Luffy asked, burping a little.

"Not much." Sanji said flatly. "We used up most of our supplies to feed the natives."

Luffy fell over. "Ahhh… I see…"

"Stop whining, Luffy." Zoro said crossly, lazily opening one eye.

"I'm already hungry…"

"NO YOU'RE NOT, LUFFY!"

* * *

Thought of the day: How many more years do you think One Piece should or will keep going? (After all, there's still the New World to go...)


	30. Cat: AU

H-hey guys.

...I HAVE A GOOD EXPLANATION FOR SUDDENLY VANISHING. I realized how much my writing's improved since... whenever... and I was _planning _to rewrite this chapter since I reread it and thought "Oh wow I _wrote this _WTF IS THIS SHIT" buuuuut I never did get to the rewrite.

So.

It's just been sitting here forever in my hardrive.

I think I've kept everyone waiting long enough for the final chapter, though. Is anyone (who's been following this) still around? How long has it beeeeen? I'VE BEEN GONE SO LONG I MISSED YOU GUYS.

So... I just... decided to post the original. Because... ugh. Just, ugh. I don't even know. I can't believe how terrible my writing was back then. Back then? Ha. Ha. Back then = a couple of months ago. Maybe I'll get to writing something else just to see how much I've improved.

I'M SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF. Both for vanishing, and for writing terrible crap like this.

ENJOY.

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**Title****: **The Wizard's Familiars- or the Other Way Around  
**Theme: **Cat  
**Claim: **Nami+Sanji+Robin  
**Words: **1168  
**Rating: **K+/T  
**Warnings: **AU

* * *

Once, in a prosperous kingdom, there was a powerful wizard named Sanji who lived by himself in a little cottage right at the edge of the city borders. Even though he had power, and fame, and wealth, he was very unhappy.

Although he was a charming, polite man, his incredibly perverted side always drove women away. That, and most women were convinced that wizards enjoyed feasting on human flesh.

It didn't help that Sanji absolutely adored women and wished for nothing other than a girlfriend. Or something. He didn't even have a familiar- a magic animal to have as a companion.

"I wonder what spell the King will want today." Sanji dully thought out loud as he ate his breakfast by himself in his cottage. "Oh, I know, a spell that makes _meat_."

Technically, there wasn't a spell that could create meat (since matter couldn't be created from nothing), but there _was _one that could turn ordinary wood into filet mignon. Making a living was easy, since the King always requested the same type of spell _and _he kept losing the ones he bought regularly from the wizard, since his Highness was known to be absentminded.

Meanwhile, unknown to Sanji, two cats were watching him from outside the cottage.

"That's the one, right?" the orange tabby meowed to the regal cat with coal-black fur.

"Yes, I'm sure." The black cat replied. She nimbly leapt off the low wall and padded up to the front door. The cat glanced over her shoulder. "Are you coming?"

"Yes, yes." The tabby sighed. She began scratching at the door and meowing loudly.

"The hell?" Sanji grumbled, pushing his chair back. He opened the door and looked down. There were two cats, orange and black. "Eh? Cats?"

"Mrow." The black cat stared up at the wizard.

"I guess I have some leftovers from last night, if you want to come in." Sanji offered, feeling silly talking to two cats.

"Ngya!" the tabby yowled.

"What's your probl- huh? What's that?" Sanji leaned down to examine the two cats more carefully. His trained magical eyes detected the thick layer of spells on them. "A curse! You two are cursed!"

The tabby hissed and batted the wizard's shoe with a little paw.

"I'm not going to help you if you keep going on like that." Sanji raised a brow.

The black cat tugged the tabby back with her teeth. The feisty little creature hissed at the much calmer animal, but it sparked no reaction from it.

"Well, it _does _get boring making meat-transformation spell after meat-transformation spell. I guess I could look at your curse." Sanji shrugged. "It'll give me something to do, anyways."

The black cat marched past Sanji into the cottage. The tabby glowered at the wizard, following its companion.

"Sanji! Oiii, Sanji!" the image of the King appeared above the looking glass. The cats took no notice of the noisy king and sat side by side beside the empty fireplace, as if expecting Sanji to do something.

"Yes, your Highness?" Sanji sighed.

"Did you figure out that meat-making spell yet?"

"No. Do you mind if I take a break? I'd like to figure out how to undo this curse I found…"

"Okay!" the King chirped brightly, and the image vanished. Sanji shook his head and kneeled down in front of the cats. The black one stared back at him with bright blue eyes and the orange on still had an angry expression on its furry face.

"What's _your _problem?" Sanji nodded to the orange tabby.

"MRRROW!" the tabby spat.

"Sheez, calm down." Sanji held up his hands. "Just let me have a look at that curse, and I'll probably have the cure in a few hours."

The black cat was cooperative to a fault. When Sanji told it to stand still on his table, it did so, but refused to budge an inch when he tried to turn it around or lift a leg or open its mouth.

The tabby on the other hand, hissed at Sanji the entire time and scratched his arms all over, making the wizard fight the urge to blast the cat to bits. He was a _good _wizard, after all, and good wizards didn't blow up cats.

Finally, after two hours of preparations that involved drawing an intricate chalk pattern on the wood floor and chanting an incantation for a half hour straight, Sanji was ready to undo the cats' curse.

"Alright, just stand in the middle of the circle and don't move." Sanji nodded to the cats. They blinked at him and padded over chalk lines to sit in the designated area. Sanji sprinkled a pinch of toad flakes and dragon blood over them and stepped back. He traced a pattern in the air and chanted the spell, and the cats were engulfed in a blinding flash of red light.

When Sanji was able to see again, his jaw dropped. Where the cats once were stood two beautiful women, both of whom were stark naked.

"Shit! Our clothes didn't come back!" the one who used to be the orange tabby shouted in surprise, covering herself with her hands.

"Calm down, Nami." The taller dark-haired woman waved a hand and clothes materialized on them.

"W-w-whoa-w- women!" Sanji stuttered, blood trickling down his nose.

Nami strode up to him and slapped him across the face. "That's for fondling me as a cat, you pervert!"

"S-sorry?" Sanji managed to weakly say. "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how did you two come under that curse?"

"An enemy, of course." Nami snorted. "I'm a witch. Robin's a sorceress. It's pretty obvious there'd be someone bitching at us."

"Witch? Sorceress?" Sanji backed away in alarm. Both of their kinds were rare enough, but to be in the company of both at the same time…

"I suppose we should thank you for lifting the curse. It was a bother being stuck as cats." Robin examined the stunned wizard, her eyes flashing. "But then again, we've been looking for a new familiar. Preferably one with experience in the field of magic study."

Before Sanji could flee, he was swallowed by a spell, orange and purple tendrils of smoke curling around him. Sanji's shout escalated into a distressed yowl and he fell into his clothes, which were much too big for him now. He wiggled his way out and was about to dash away but Nami quickly grabbed him around the middle and lifted him up into the air.

"Meow! Mrrrrow!" Sanji howled, squirming. Nami smirked.

"Now you know how _I _felt, huh?" Nami grinned at the blue and yellow-furred cat. It stopped wriggling and went limp in her hands, purring. "What the-"

"I think he likes you, Nami." Robin laughed. She scratched the former wizard behind his ear and the purring increased. Sanji had a blissful look on his furry face.

"Isn't that cute?" Nami was unable to hold back a smile. She held the cat in her arms and he curled up, purring contentedly, snuggled against her chest. "He's going to make a great familiar."

* * *

I... why. Why did I write stuff like this. AUGH WHYYY /bangs head against desk

So until next time, guys. Whenever that is.

I kinda want to write fic for Soul Eater or Vocaloid (or maybe not Vocaloid, since fics in that fandom aren't generally well-received) so maybe I'll start visiting FF more often. Who knows.

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING~


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